my 4 encounters with random people around the bus:

1. A tourist from UK
i was with vincent to metrotown when we met this caucasian lady who asked
vincent abt the stop to metrotown. In fact, mr Icent, being his normal talkative
self, he started a whole long convo with her and we ended up talkin abt countries
and travelling. She was from UK and she had her son (at tt time) working in
Singapore. Before Vancouver, she went to Bali. so yeah. nice one nice one...
It was nice to know random people's life sometimes.


2. Anxious Latino/Mexican young lady
i was sitting on bus 17, goin home from i-cant-remember-where. This lady turned
to me and started telling me abt her anxiousness in meeting her bf for 3 years,
whom she has not met for 1 year, due to her study somehwere else.
it was so nice of her to share her stories and she was like, "do i look oke?"
"oh my god, i think i should just stop to drink for a while to cool down" but well
she didnt. and i hope she find happiness right now. whaha


3. A Canadian French uncle
He was a lil bit tipsy i think. and he was like, 43, single <-- he told me tt oke,
i nv ask and he just came to vancouver for 5 months, workin in construction.
he was quite emotional, telling me things like mom just past away before he
came to van to work, and he nv did construction work before
(he works in horse races, mednling horse, til the ranch owner died or something).
he was telling abt how scary big city is, abt how cold people can be, abt his co-workers
telling him that hes too nice, too friendly, too cheerful. so he just dont feel like himself,
and he wept a bit. hope for the best for mr uncle. (cant rem his name... i was quite
scared at 1st, but yeah... he was very nice person) how i wish i can remember his name somehow. *ah he gave me a lil 'lucky penny'.
that just made me feel much.. i dunno... blissful?*


4. (the most exciting encounter) A chinese couple
Wah, this one, i have to give em kudos.
They were so interesting until i had to stop my ipod and choose to listen to them instead
(while pretending to be still on my ipod cos they sat just behind me).

guy>> 我爱你，你也爱我，那为是么想离婚呢？
guy>> 我等你10年，你也等我10年，不要说你怕你妈妈？
guy>> 那你说，你爱我，还是爱他？如果你爱我的话，你要爱我比你妈妈多
guy>> 你要我等你20年，30年，我都会等你的
guy>> 他会有爱你比我多吗？
guy>> 那你就现在跟他说
guy>> blablablablabla <-- he just talk so much

and her responses are:

gurl>> hmm...
gurl>> 哦...
gurl>> 啊...
gurl>> 好...
gurl>> 没空...
gurl>> 不要...
gurl>> 不是...

and another set of interesting exchanges:

gurl>> 这是什么？2张票？我不要你的钱
guy>> 我也没说要给你的。 你想的美啊，谁说我要给你这张票
guy>> *cold sweat* *nervous laughter*

seriously.... she has the "take it or leave it" attitude, while he was just being
"dont leave me honey, you ar emy everything"

wlaauweh... drama mama

Whoahhh... Rhema! Rhema! Rhema! Rhema!
3 significant things within 24 hours... i dun understand
but this is beautiful... mystical....

oke, side tracking a lil bit.
Rhema is also the name of Ko Harry's sister-in-law who
is in Vancouver rite now, and Ci Rhema is 4 mnths pregnant.
KyA!!!!! I cant wait to see baby in May/June~ hehehee.
Abby's gonna have a sibling~ wohohohoho...

*erhem*

oke, back to the topic: Rhema.

1. I was feeling kinda dejected last nite and this morning i posted
something about foundation. somehow i know that ive been in self-denial
and tell myself that everything's alrite, that i know my way out on
things and know that i can handle things on my own. i am always rite..
blah blah. but thats the thing. it is not right. i am not right. so yeah.
the foundation that i can based my life and decisions on, must be right.
MUST be the RIGHT-est foundation.

2. Went to cell group today. They were talkin abt last week's sermon on
Fullness in Christ. Well, basically there's 4 points, but to which 2 struck
me the most, esp point number 2: know where your root is. The root
refers to the stronghold base in our lives, which goes back as another term
called the 'foundation'...... Likewise, Ervina was sharing super logical
and yet biblical fact: never self-pity; be thankful for the sufferings and
trials and problems, for it is they who shaped us and strengthen us.

3. I came home and my bro asked me to check my mail for his delivery
issues. And i deleted some junk mail and so happened the last page
appeared to be from "Prime time with God". Read through it....
and it was talking about stone; stone and rhema; abt how the author and
his wife got confirmation from God by Rhema. They also talked abt the
stronghold of the foundation and stuffs...

that is. awesome. yet crazy.
for me who didnt go to last sunday's service (cos i cant wake up)
and for me who rarely open those mails from Prime Time With God (cos im lazy)

and yeah.
would like to thank Lynetto-chan for sharing wif me her probs
wohohoho... some of your words and sentences on msn really struck me.
makes me re-evaluate myself and learn so much that i am never always right.

and Ervina.
thanks for the sharing today. yes i come to understand why am i
sometimes in pain (mentally) but what you told me.. now it makes sense why
i wrote what i wrote inside that box.

thought i know what am i doing rite now
but then again
i guess its all just my make-believe
im beginning to forget my stronghold foundation
im beginning to stray
buryin the foundation away and making my new house
next to it
with myself as the foundation

doesnt work
just stay. with God. as the stronghold foundation.

hmm oke.. i gt new topic to talk abt. whahhaa
man.. this is just so random, treating blog like some kind of
msn convo or something...

was talkin to a few old friends here and there...
and things felt so... i dunno.
i felt so disconnected. yet connected.
its like they have things that they hid from me
yet they're revealing it now
things that they used to be anally secretive abt
its a kind of connection that was built
to spill things out...

too bad i only gt to know it after i left the city
if only ive known better, my friends...
and yes, i miss hanging out with all of you,
individually, as a group, wahtever..
we'v been together for 4 years and yet...
i dunno... maybe i was too anal last time
and too self-contained to let a part of everyone stay in me.

argh. so random. oke oke oke..
whatever..

i used to think im attracted to this friend of mine
we are not really close but we gt close due to certain random reason
its been great hanging out with my friend
and my friend's house's decoration portray himself deeply.
i was awed by his talent, and at the same time,
companionship and arguments.
didnt know whether i like him, or just having crush,
or admiration, or whatever. or just plain friendship and aquaintances.
hes more girly than me sometimes, more selfish and more unforgiving.
maybe i envy him for who he was
and what he do, what he can achieve and how life has been treating him
like precious stone.
the apple of his parents life, he usually get what he wants
i like everything abt this friend of mine
except those secrets that he hid from me, things that he dont wan
me to know, dont wan to share with me, but some others.
which maybe makes me feel left out and unwanted as friend.

anyway tts random.

i was at another friend's house twice. and i came to realise how similar
their conditions were. how similar those portraits were placed, handled,
and framed. how rigid can they be, how distant can they be, although
we were in the same room. how disconnection makes me feel unwanted
in the place... i was tryin to open my friend up. to friendly touch, and interaction
with people. maybe to him im just not the person he wanna interact more
with. maybe its nto the kind of interaction he wants from me, as a friend.
i dunno. i wont know til its time to know.. rite?
1 thing i know for sure, im attracted to him. somehow. i duno, will it be the
same undefined feeling as the previous friend.. or am i just attracted to the
talent? or to the illusional person that i have in my perception abt him.

they had almost the same background.. and i sometimes try to decipher
how they react and view things their ways. obviously its different, since one
loved and (well, sometimes abuse subconsciously) his parents' love
and concern. the others... i dunno... he told me of his void feelings towards
his parents.. well i dont really care. or i should dont care so much abt people's
business.... after all its their lives. one has full support, while the others,
have to scrape his way through his ambition...
but their fragility towards other... well maybe ive just not seen enough.
or maybe i behave like them...

isolation? was it becos of isolation...
self isolation against the surrounding.. or maybe isolated from the surrounding.
i nv get lonelier in sg than in here before. sometimes there were times when
i just wanna tell people abt stuffs but things just dont come out
while sorting out who shall i spoke or tell, i reasoned out their expected
reaction or understanding.
which makes me feel more lonelier.
sometimes i just wanna face the person i am having thoughts for directly
but the courage and common sense stopped me and there i was in the same
cycle of "kai bu liao kou" what a jay chou song...

while im glad i have Jesus in my life, some people dont.
and while i have Him in my life, sometimes im just a il bit reluctant to
open up to Him and lift things up to Him.
yes i still have doubts... over the years...
unsettled doubts and cry... well maybe i have been so childish and expect
spoon-feed information & treatments...
i should just try to observe more... and subtly accept and understand.
blend myself into the nature and be their falling ground.
i dunno if i can do that...
be the comfort zone..
but until all those fanciful titles come into me
who shall be my comforter?
who shall be my catcher-hand?
I have Jesus in my life
and so maybe He shall take the job alone til someone knows me
well enough and willing to be mine...
i guess..
sometimes tts just how it is..

Hmm lets talk abt the past.. the present.. and the future....
since im bored and i stupidly cancel my vagabond's download twice
hahahaha

nwo im waitin.. for it to download finish bfore i can move on to
interrupt the list and download trinity blood 09 for 1 chapter. oke this
sounds so random, but random is fun rite..

okie wait, lemme go piss for a while. hahahaa

*brb**brb*

okie back. hmm before i forgot, i wanna announce to the whole world that:
1. i gt myself my 'beyond paradise' again hehehee. okie tts not
important, but considerin my love and longing for it.. i think it was an impt
event, the time when i decided to buy it again against the price. hahahaa.

2. i found my long lost belt, long lost glasses, long lost usb and long lost lip gloss.
everything is in my house, 2 were under tiara's sofa, the other 2 were in my bro's
rm (i dont know how the hell it ended there..) but yea... there it goes.. my
clumsiness and short term memory.. haiyah.. wo lao le...

oke back to track.


the past.
Dian and I were talking at MKR (Magic Knight Rayearth) <- dun ask me why...
oh okie.. we were talkin abt... celeste. why that word came to us, i cant rem..
then we started namin all the 3 robots and we talked abt the charas in MKR.
the funniest thing, she told me MKR was the manga that she put her heart on
in order to study English. She matches some of the terms in manga (in english)
to the anime (in indonesian). tts fun. whahaa.
thats actually the series that motivates/triggered my interest to learn japanese..
hahaha.. i had the ending OST in japanese, but to my surprise, RCTI used the
translated OST for the ending. was fun tryin to remember both versions and
decipher the meanings whahaha..

and i remembered... my first ever manga that landed on my hand..
i was pri 1, accompanying my mom to this small dept store near my house
(which was looted and burnt in 1999 riot sometime later). We passed by
the food court, whereby a pushcart, selling various magz and books, caught
our eyes. Momma bought her magz and i wanted to buy something too
(note: child's greed) so she took a book and told me, "oke im gonna buy this one
for you". but i was in doubt, so she put it back, then i took it back again and
said yes. she was like, "can you even understand the story?" but yeah..
she bought it for me, and that was my 1st comic boook.

"Alpen Rose" by Michiyo Akaishi
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpen_Rose

sweet..~ sweet2 memories. people said that usually before you died, everything
flashes back against you. am i havin it now? whahaa. nah. i dun think so.
i was in Ji's hotel room when we watched CSI Miami on case abt a lady who drank
contaminated orange juice (poisoned with radiating isotopes). She was told that
she had a week to live, so maybe tt triggers my mind abt death.. and life.

And then slowly i realised that mangakas have signature style in their mangas.
no matter how the settings are, there will be the 'signature couple', 'signature
theme', 'signature bad guy', 'signature characters traits'.....

And some has their focus on story only... while others pay attention to details
and artwork too...

oke i dont know what am i sayin rite now. whaaha
i think i shall just read vagabond back and type later.. whahah much later...
brb

aaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
merry xmas!!!! hueueueuehuee
i had a white xmas somehow!~ although its like, impossible man~

oke oke, it was so sunny and not-cold on the 24th noon. in fact, it
actually felt like puncak (a place 1 hour-drive away from jakarta)
Jorge's word of "so this will be your first white xmas?" the day before
sounds like nonsense to me.
that night i went to the airport to fetch Ji & Eci (Ji's sis) from Toronto
hueuuehue. I took the correct bus but i didnt activate the stop button,
thinkin that "oh the uncle infront of me looks like hes goin down too"
and he didnt, and i need to! so.. i dropped off 1 bus stop after, which
passed through 1/2 small highway and in the middle of nowhere.
and i walked back to the correct stop to change bus. freakin stupid.
whahaha.

so ya dah ya dah, i gt Ji & Eci home. Ji and i went to have a super looooooong
'updates, deep and intimate' conversations til 5 am. hehehe. and we couldnt
wake up the next day whahahaa
so yeah, in the morning yota called me and he was like,
"btw, its snowing today.." and i jumped off the sofa, directly to the curtains and
see snows fallin from the sky!!! KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

white xmas after all! Thank God. whahahaha.
well, kinda. like, He made the impossible possible, isnt it? hoho

and at night, the lil dinner turned out to be girls' outting. i have dian, ji, eci
my cousin and her friend to eat in my hse. drama2 over the meats...
expired loh. whaha so we nv cooked meat that night.
watch ocean13 and then took some random crazy photos. hehe
sweeet nite.

Hmmmmmmm
last night Dian kept on coughing at my face
will i get cough too today? hahahaa

anyway yeah, so she stayed for 2 days in a row. Met her @ Royal Oak
for the combined xmas celebration and thus, shopped for random groceries
to be cooked on the 25th (super sudden plan-hatching) and there we go,
she stayed over for the 1st night. hahaa.
she cleverly spilled her contact lens somewhere so we went to her hse the next
day (which, btw, was yesterday) arnd 4+ (after soooo much of lazing arnd)
and then to metrotown again.

on the way, we met susu, eliz & hans who were heading to metrotown to get
pressies too. Infront of American Eagle i saw a group of overcrowding teenagers
which got me into thinkin, "heh.. which high sch kids hangout infront there?"
to my surprise, my HFAN ganks! whahahahaha

sisil-jeffry, davin and many many many many many more.! oh yeah, not to
mention, my super-distant-relative Stella hahaha. funny day. Dian was nt really
feelin well but i appreciate her kindness waiting for me and following me running
arnd everywhere for those stuffs i need to buy.

well, at last.. kecap manis ABC is in my fridge rite noe!
hehehehe

hope tmr's dinner gonna be something that will make people happy whahaha

Hmmmm..... i was at the Indonesian Christian Community's joint Xmas
Celebration. it was ok i guess, but last week's definitely more of a blast~
(Last week's internal HFAN's combined celebration)

*wait, oke i heard the thunder rolls.. oke........~*

so, we had a few of my friends performin lasr night; Sisilya's the lead in
the xmas drama. Shes good, i recon, though of course you could see some
room for improvement, but shes definitely talented. The drama itself, though
i heard lotsa bad reviews pre-watchin it, i think it went off pretty decent,
not like super bad or anything. I like the crows. hahaha.

And there's the (forbidden) worship songs. why forbidden?
As a combined service between the catholics (i think this is the conservative
catholics) and christians, the UKI disallowed any form of worship songs that
could lead to tongue language or sort of 'deeper' worship i think.
anyway, that song (indonesian song of which i forgot how to sing it now) was
just so lifting. lol. cant help it man.. i was 'electrocuted' heuueuehuee..
by the presence of Laopeh.

and yes yes yes.. Dian, who was with me since just now, is in my hse rite now!
sleepin! whahahahahhaa.... we shall have a simple decent shoppin tmr..
i dunno.. i was just plannin for it i guess... cos she started the gift-giving (and
weishan too actually) which made me feel really grinch-y abt myself. haha


just now, i-cant-remember-who was stating the obvious (but it kinda refresh
my memory though) that giving is much joyful that receiving <-- well its true
and in one of the songs that Sisil sang, i was quite... 'questioned and enlightened'
it was a song out of 1 cor 13:4-7.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

and i was somehow questioning myself, do i love others with the love that was
described above? is my love the kind of love thats kind, never boast and never
rude, not self-seeking and not easily angered...
never delight in evil and patient?
hmmmmm
hmmmmmmmm
hmmmmmmmmm

i guess its important to set a ground rule to myself.
never to identify love when i cant make up my mind
between loving
and lusting

love nv means possessing.. so i shall learn to practice the kind of love
mentioned above. to everyone.

Layer Cake is nice lah~
ok ok, its a movie by i-dunno-who starring lotsa people
including Daniel Craig & Sienna Miller.
man, i still cant agree on the choice of daniel Craig as Mr bond.
hes just to skinny la! (but nice comfortable size to look at)
not so tall, but.. kiddish kind of feel whaha (minus the unclish face)
sienna.. is.. soo.hot! i dont undestand why mr jude law would have
cheated with the nanny if his wife was the sinnea miller.

okie anyway, backtrack. the movie's abt some drug ganster stuffs
but yeah, it has some nice flo and technques, and storyline.
im lazy to spill more
pls watch it on dvd

and today, it was snowing in the morning.





as for my indo update:
wah manusia itu ternyata yah. dia pake msgr tp ga mao add balik
ga jelas udang apa di balik batu
takut bgt ma gw
gw pun ga da maksut untuk menerkam dirinya
whuahuahuauaa
maciam mana pule siah
ahahahaha
oke oke, tulisnya di yg satu lagi
ciao
gw mao mandi
& pegi ke xmas celebration~

man... last nite was a funny night. we had karaoke (which i nv really had
before with friends <-- cos nobody i hang out with do karaoke) at Richmond
and (before that) ate AJISEN RAMEN whuahuahua.

1 of the waitress wasss being supppeerb. she couldnt read the english word
on the bubble tea menu. it was 'awesome'. but the whle meal is good.

Oke, the karaoke was fun. very fun. had weird varieties of song, surprisingly
i knew some of the songs with titles unheard of, but yeah... interesting.
whahaha. and they hav indonesian songs too. the ooooooooooooooooooooold
very very olddddddd songs, and duet lol. who sing duet with me in indo siah?
whaha

ke, so we went to lynn's hse afterwards and we drank a lil bit. it was oke.
the next mroning i watched "The Jacket" with Yota, since the 2 other
human beings were sleepin soundly. The movie has interesting storyline,
goes back and forth BUT, as messy as it may seems, i can understand the
story perfecltly. Guess its a good movie for me. The storyline's too.. very
interestin, concept and all.... and of cos, the 2 casts laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
KYAAA well i almost cry at the later part but paiseh mah, gt friend whaha.

anway... im kinda pissed off rite now.
ah well.. gt my bro a simple xmas present, since i know how savvy he is with
clothes. i mean, he hang out with his indo friends and indo friends are usually
rich kids lah. so i decided to get him some simple coat and turtleneck and told
him to try them on. and eah...
he didnt like it
he was quite pissed off
and he decided to drove me to the edge by returning it and mockin it
and he scolded me for buyin them

what a nice brother i have.
hahaha

Last night we had a funny fun karaoke night
as a farewell night for Lynn (whos leavin on thurs)
Public transport was being a bitch the whole day for me:
1. this stupid bus stopped at road sign, not at the bus stop sign
and i saw it but since im standing right next to the stop sign,
of course im the righteous one rite? so i just waited and the
bus DROVE PAST by me..... im so awe-d.
2. this stupid car at oak & 49th drove past me who was standing
beside the traffic light and sped off, bringin splashes of water
onto 3/4 of my pants! thannk you leh! *remember: it was a cold
and rainy night*

anyway tts the funny thing abt transport here, seriously, whoever
is the ministry of transport in canada, if these probs in transport
nv came across his mind, he could just jump off his buildin and DIE!

hmmmmm.... gonna blog abt karaoke night later on.
hahaha

dudududududuuuuuu~

this is tze first week of holiday and here goes the title:



THE UNTIMELY AWAKENING

oke, that sounds like a grand one lol
I had my whole of last week spent with my aunt (mom's youngest sis)
and her family here -- 2 sons + 1 daughter + 1 husband
It was so fun, really. They rented a car so we could go everywhere,
not to mention the effort to purchase a GPS cos none of us drive
or understand vancouver's road thoroughly. They brought me to
places i've nv been before (noob syndorm #1) like Stanley Park, north van.
Oke, that park is awesome at night hahah.

We went downtown a few times, and we ate Hon's a few times whaha
good price good food, they like, daugther happy. lol.
She had a very bad adaptability level to the weather, which made her
puke all the time and picky and choosy and nosy. yeah. but when
everything's finally cleared after 1 week, its time to go back to the sunny
LA. what a waste.

Tiara went back on sat morning.. and Vania (not in my family, but in my
ECIAD indonesian family) she went back on sat afternoon. sad sad, lalala.

So there you go, the whole family story of last week.

Errr, Jason the senior went back to sg on monday morning too, so we had
a lil (random) farewell hangout on Friday afternoon, which include clubbin
and then chill out at John's super-beautiful-view home. It was fun and yeah..
like that lah.

Err what else did i do last week...? hmmm..
oh okie.. i finished my sch on tuesday. lol.

OKE, talkin abt this weeeek, hmmmmm we just started this week yesterday!
Woke up at 3PM not seeing the sun anymore. It was a weird and lazy feelin
all over me but life has to go on rite? I had my share of reading online
scanlation mangas (vampire knights, you are my girlfriend, 20th century
boys, 21st century boys, hot gimmick) so yeah whahaha.. My manga rampage
went on til abt 4+ am? hohoho

Was supposed to visit this cheeeeap clothin shop to get my bro a nice simple
coat. heh maybe for xmas, since my aunt gimme some money to buy for my
own apparel but i think my bro need it more to pimp up himself. hahahaa
Dian called me to ask me out for a movie, along with Mel & her other friends
from UBC. I brought along Nihal (Lynn couldnt come cos shes havin 'great fun'
at home with a friend and shes blamin me for not bringin her out, wth haha)
and we watched BEOWULF. whahaha. oke.. this movie..

THIS MOVIE IS UNIQUE. really2 unique, in terms of storyline, moral, and
shots and framing and character's actions. There was soooo many 'show-off'
shots and actions but the story placed itself so well in our focus that i do
forgive those extraaaaaaaaaaaas siah. in short, pls watch it and support 3D
anim. huehueue. Nihal's joke of the day:

Nihal>> how many person they need to mend the film?
NIhal>> one, cos the rest are busy with the 3D sectors

that must a be cold one

and the 3 of em went over to my place and stay for the night. it was fun,
cos i was busy finding some of my clothes for Mel & Dian to wear to sleep
and Nihal , poor Nihal didnt get any cos for obvious reason, hes not able to
wear whats mine. lol. Like that time where Nihal and Tom had stayed over,
i pulled out the extra mattress frm my bro's room to the living room and let
its other end face the heater. What a comforting and warm way of sleepin...
and Nihal Bains ungratefully says its too hot! rawr! whahaha
warm is good oke... tts the reason why i wont wan to leave my shower.

Speakin of sleepin, i kinda dream abt somethin funny. but i totally forgot abt
the dream when i woke up. Nihal's kida make fun of me abt dreamin the
dream and i confidently says NO, why would i? rite, since i idnt have any
recollection of such dream being on my mind.
And then i gt a phone call from my friend, it was funily familiar, the tone
almost sound like a dejavu kind of thing, like i just heard this very very very
recently. Hmm but i shant think much abt it, did my works and finally while
steaming my lovely lil buns from the fridge, realisation came upon me... like
*snap!* i remember whatever that was on my dream last nite.
so gay, the way i remember it.. haha

Hmm so in my dream, i have a 3-storey house. And the 3rd storey is some sort
of living room as well. it was funny, well. i dunno how to describe them whahaha.
and yeah sure. we were supposed to be hangin out at the 2nd storey but some
guest were comin so we had to shift to the 3rd. and i cant remember anythin
more detail or yeah, maybe the details' too detail
whaha
disclosin information. period.
lalalala

This marks the death of a feeling
An end to the turmoil
of uncertainties in flipping the sleeping card awake
Oh what a pleasan journey travelled
From up above I freefall ahead
of time and space and all those dimension
When your eyes, your mouth, your bones
They all shout for another fleur
Oh so loud that any ears cant hear
Other single decibel from another heartbeat
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

Last night i came to realization that death is so near, its everywhere.
especially this year. just when i think about it, will it fetch me at the
end of everything?

The smell of the death was so strong, surrounded me with is fangs and
feathers. Lets see how far can we go in counting:

- 1 week before my granpa passed away, a church elder's father passed away
- my granpa passed away
- at my granpa's 49th day, the church's junior pastor's father-in-law passed away
- at my granpa's 100th day, the church's senior pastor's brother passed away
- a few days after i had my forest shoot, my mom called me to tell me abt the death of our family doctor's son in USA
- last night she called to tell me abt the death of my granma's half-brother a week ago
- and my granma's cousin that morning

freak. death is so near. so near that i can hear the flapping wings.
so near that i almost thrust myself into a pointy bark in the forest.





anyway, on a lighter (not so light lah) note,
i realised that i have to figure out things abt my feelings rite
and i also come to terms with the fact that nothin i could do abt it
so yeah. let go. will hve to let go sooner or later
so im gonna let it go NOW.

love is a very subjective question
its as complex as the definition of art
where things can be perspectical and
yet some may find it, nonsensical
there is always terminology and criterias
that differ one's idea of love from another

speakin abt this topic, hmm hmm hmm
i know i know, its a controversial topic
that i always avoid hueueee usually,
but maybe i should have a voice in it too?

theres different kind of love too
depends on what and which kind
are we talkin about

love between 2 individual
bgr? family? friends?

hmmmm.. my view lah;

love between 2 individuals,
of the opposite sex, preferably,
that involve relationship
should always consider future's well-being
either in the vision, or belief or just simple
understanding.
there is no pure love that can keep any
relationship goin on.
everything has to have base and strong base
is always needed to support relationship between
human <-- human themselves are crazy complex
homosapiens.
so yeah
practically, consider things inside out before you
even jumping to one

and so it is...
just like how it should be....
(Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughthers' wind)

ah welll
today... today was an interesting day. yeah i gt home by 10
and i was watchin brotherhood of wolf from 1 - 12 i think
why so long, you may ask... i may as well provide you with an answer
i was watching and chattin and surfin net and bloggin and facebookin
at the same time. oh ! and talkin to icent on the phone as well.
turned out he had work today (chey!) and he was complainin abt his
no-life life.
and then i fell asleep at 3+, what a supposedly 1/2 hour sleep turned out
to be a 6-hour sleep! whahhaa so i woke up and watch and blah blah blah again
icent called again
this time, he was complaining,

icent>> eh, dont you realise what day is it rite now?
kath>> what?
icent>> its saturday night! (malem minggu), and im having nothin in saturday night
kath>> not surprising. im used to it
icent>> yeah but not til you go home and realised that you have nothin to do
kath>> go out lah!
icent>> with who?
kath>> your female friend?
icent>> dont have, lazy.
kath>> wth bro! come here lah
icent>> too far
icent>> in indo i always go out, man.
kath>> talk to me again when you have car


hahaha. yeah so now we reealise how convenient it is to have a car
to be able to go anywhere without boundary
and to yeah. to make life easier
whuahaha
and how lonely days can be
without activities to be done
and mundanity eloped

and this is how when you dont stay close to your friends
soooo faaaaaaaaaaaaar
icent stays at this secluded area in richmond
while im stuck at somehwre between vancover and burnaby central

Hueh.. after blogging so much crap on my iMac yesterday, i finally
realised what i wanted to write in the first place. lol!!!
A super super duper surprising news from sisil, which actually, i could
ave known if only i read all my hotmail mails. whahaha

but before that, today is Ci Jeanne & Ko Charles' HUGE DAY!
(aka wedding day)
im kinda sad, actually, not being able to attend their wedding and all.
Its like, i was there even before they were together...
was there when ci jeanne lead the cell grp
and was there when ci jeanne broke the news of them being together
was there when ci jeanne left for melbourne to join ko charles
was there when ko charles came back to sg
was there when ci jeanne came back to sg
was there when when the college cell grp is led by ko charles
was there when internationals was opened

and yeah...
was THERE to confirm that i can go to their wedding when they asked me a year ago! and im in vancouver rite now. lol sian~

Kyaaaaaaaaaaa!! cry cry cry


anyway, congrats to both of em... I cant wait to see the juniorsss~
hehehehee
hope ill be able to see them once im back to sg hehehe


on a lighter note, the info that sisil gave me
was that my current cell group leader is getting married
(whats wif cell grp and marriages? @.@)
and i would be helpin out for their wedding on feb 8
ah....
loveleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey
beautiful2... beautiful222
hahahaha

i realised here, the indonesian community is so stable...
(well nto all, but most of those i saw in church)
they were all so couply <-- icent found it the same too
so yeah.
its weird but im not too bothered whahahaa
(yesh, convince myself again lah!)

and yeah. reporting from last night's event:
last night was Nihal's birthday party. Nihal= a new friend,
mix of indian-jamaican, crazy IT wiz boy; hacker-turn-animator
friend of mine. he had a party in his house, where 12 people confirmed
their attendance, but only 5 appeared. lol. we watched south parks!
and then play the drinking games (just black jack and the guessing card)
no hanky panky, no indecent acts. everything is safeeee
and then..... everyone of us were drunk.
either way the only person who wasnt drunk was high...
high from lack of sleep
does that sounds the same. whahaha

and i was blabbering lotsa stuffs to Lynn and Nihal
lotsa lotsa nonsensical stuffs whahahaha
until the 2 of em were like "stop your ---------ing!"
whahahaha
there were 4 of us left in the house and everyone was sleepy by err..
abt 12 am? whahaha nihal, lynn and me chose to sleep in NIhal's rm
Yota wasnt there in the room cos he chose to have the whole sofa to himself
and i was shivering the whole night, like stupid idiot

so yeah anyway, we woke up by 5 am in the morning
and i went out for a while
takin pictures of random stuffs
beautiful random stuffs
outside nihal's hse
whahhaa
nice desu

hueh! so much so for opening this "new post" page 3x and decided not
to write them after hours of doing work and talking and emo-ing.
but now, alas, i shall write them down. Hohohohoho

Ah.... the feeling adfter your last project had been submitted...
PRICELESS!! you hear me? PRICELESS!!!!
another exam to come, and those kids in my cls wouldnt tell me what to study.
ENGL <-- as always... the most random modules. more like Lit though..,
the sructure of the module and all. BUt im thankful for the book Jane
picked for the class reading (and exam). Its sooo... i dunno. i just liek it.
so me, yet not really me. but i kinda feel good with this book.

anyway, (random info) i received a call asking whether i speak chinese.
it always bothers me when THEY DONT INTRODUCE THEMSELVES and
ASK YOU REANDOM QUSTIONS LIKE THAT.. i mean, hmm maybe i gt
xenophobia? hmm.... Hmmm..
not really... anyway tts not important..

I want to do a crazy video shoot sometime soon.
its just a plane but i dunno.
i just feel like it..
maybe randomly make some script and put them together...
like, i wanna make something... something...
just something and that something that willl make me feel more alive..
capturing beautiful stuffs..

AH! speaking abt beautiful stuffs.
i did a video (stressfully) for my video art modules.
It supposedlyt to be the easiest video cos video art.
whatever you show should be art.
anyway tts random.
so, i decided to shoot my indo gurl, who has super beautiful
smile and eyes. i mae a story based on suicidal depression aura
that is around me all the time.
not really my own reflection, but some of the people i knew too.
lol.
like i wont go that far when im havin those emo2 moments,
the feelinsg will be there, you feel like just thrashin things away,
punching people, hurting people, destroying things...
but at the same time your self control kinda hold you back and you ended up
volumising up your only reaction when people say things ---- laugh

oke tts random
wtf. get back to topic
so well i fough for the audio piece for this vid. when i heard raph & J's
music.. i was... amazed by the interesting tune. wohohoho.
reminds me a bit of gq's music taste cos he had wider taste...
mellow2, but flow-y and floaty.
so i decided to ask for his help, but since hes busy i was not really hoping that he could do it
so i asked gab
and gab was busy too, i think he helped lotsa people out
and i asked jorge but i reliased his music spounds very different from what i want
and so raph asked me back
and i asked him and he gave me
and it was all.. wohoah!
i cant beleive it but somehow the whole thing just came together at last.
in an interesting union...
beautiful.

and im blabbering.
not concentrating rite now
cos i still have to:
- pick up and hang laundry from downstair
- hand wash some of em
- bathe
- select stuffs to bring to nihal's hse
- writing this blog and gathering up things that i used to think i wanna blog out but forgot
- finding that stupid bill that i havent pay
- reducing my sms from now on (31 dollars for 300 sms~! wtf)
- wanna.... wanna.. BATHE
- pick out clothes to wear for tonight

hmmm to tell you the truth
i always harbour this deep fear
of something unforseen
that may happen
between a friend and a friend
obviously if you know me
i dont want that to happen
cos that may destroy me partially
and i dont know how long will it take for me to recover
and how bad my reaction will be
or how things gonna be between us anymore

its just time.. time...
and God, whatever Your will is,
dont let the Devil get a chump of it...

hmmmm
suer gw kadang2 ga bisa ngerti
pemikiran orang2 yang di sekeliling gw.
kadang kita ngasih, tapi mereka ga
memberi
waktu kita susah, mereka udah lupa
gw dari tadi udah nanya
dari tadi udah nunggu
dari tadi udah ngeliatin
tapi mereka sama sekali ga berasa
gatel2
ato apapun...

hell i just had my media history test
which i crazily studied
and didnt finish studying
and i was 1/2 dead by the time i did my test
i was laughin hysterically
at everything

damn

stoned rite now
really stoned rite now
doing openin title for my piece
super stoned
hahahaha
i think its cos of the 5-hour energy drink
taste good, though many people didnt like it
i drank 2 this morning
1 at 6 and another at 8
ah damn
if that thing works slowly
i would have a slow and painful dready
zombie-state consciousness
and will be doing editing like no one else business

and i like his smile today
funny funny smile
beautiful
makes me feel like hugging you
although that smile may not be for me
cold cold fingers
my fingers
hahahahaa
what were you thinking?
revealing the truth
fat hope
nay, shalt not
never
maybe, well someday
or never, depends
lalalalaa

Hmmm last night i was talkin on the phone with Yota
he was tellin me abt how his blog
(a review assignment for our cls blog project)
had been commented by the artist he was writing abt.

so lol!~



reminds me of Levan, wondering how is he right now btw...
is he still rockin.. or he's in LIME office workin his ass off?
Hmmm...

and so here was my Ol' funny story:

Saturday, Dec 3, 2004:
Aniwae.. Saw this albino guy.. kinda tall, his hair was kinda long
& straight... but yah.. i spotted him comin out frm the MRT when
i'm boardin tt train & yah... the 1st impression was, "WoW!!
georgeous (homo)sapiens!!!!!!" seriously, i dunno why, but the fact
that tt albino guy attracted my attention was in an odd way..
Until now, i keep on thinkin abt his appearance.. Hahaha..
gte what i meam? If i'm a pro photographer, hell i would love to ask
him to be my model. hahaha...

and then...

Monday, May 02, 2005:
*drum rolls*

Hey there,

I stumbled upon your journal.
Was looking for information on my own band, shamelessly. Ronin.
Anyway, I'm not sure. I think I'm the one

>
Aniwae.. Saw this albino guy.. kinda tall, his hair was kinda long
& straight... but yah.. i spotted him comin out frm the MRT when
i'm boardin tt train & yah..
>

Do a search at INVITE > lerping@msn.com at friendster.com
or www.roninriot.com

Email back if so. Sorry for the email intrusion if not.
I'm not sure how to do a sheepish expression through email,
but if there is a way, I'd do it now.
Hear from you soon.

Yours,
Levan Wee




siao eh~!
funny how life can turn out that way~

wheres the help
wheres the help
help help help help
and nobody's helping

every each and everyone
turn their backs against me
what the hell
what the fuck
what the crap
and im drowning myself
in some lousy cry
pool of blood tears
and embarrassing pleas
asking for help

given dirt and windy "yes"
nothing
nothing but sweet sweet air castle

aaaaaaaaaaaah
im so sick of everything
of every work..
well maybe im just emotional
cos of the forever-not-finished english
i mean what can i do
she doesnt like my writing style
and its hard for me to give herw hat she wants
its like, yeah rite
damnit argh!
and i have lotsa crap to do
i miss home and i miss sleep
and i miss relaxation
where i can just chill out and enjoy myself
but i think there is no more myself
there is only self
not mine anymore
i dont even know whose am i
im tired
of everything

God, I am Yours, rite?
or not?
if I am, help to define me

Okaaaay..
now i feel like bloggin again. thanks to english and diva and videoart
and wahtever yeah wahtevr hwuaua

yesterday i was eating sushi when Shannon said something and i flashed
my finger at him <--- its a habitual thingy....

He was like,

s>> eh dont do that lei. not nice
kath>> oke oke i shall not anymore
s>> its not like that, later what people will think of you (goes on to lecture)
s>> but its all up to you whetehr you wanna listen or not...
kath>> yes yes....
s>> dont yes yes, you can dont listen to me... (blah blah blah)

lol, shannon lol
then...

s>> you behave like that later people see you get interested but after they
s>> see your behaviour they gt bd impression. how like that?
s>> you said yourself that you dont wan people to... (blah blah blah)

shannon can be super talkative at times

and when he started his 'fine city'...

s>> kath, you do that flash 1 more time im gonna fine you
kath>> walauweh you fine me all the time, when i said noob you fine me,
kath>> now you also wan to fine me.
kath>> i think i know whats a suitable future for you
kath>> you shld open sch for ladies. then when they dont behave you fine them..
kath>> like you can fine them 1 meal if they behave unlady-like
s>> -.-

and about undergarment

s>> walauweh so much for goin into my room and lookin at me with my underwear
kath>> whats your problem? its not like i nv seen people like that
kath>> i always dress up models so like no kick lah
s>> eeh ehh im different. nobody ever see me in my underwear!
kath>> then.. your mom?
s>> she see me when i was fat! nv in my sexy beautiful body
kath>> -.-!! whatever bro



whahaha
wth lol

shannon shannon.. pessimistic yet straightforward yet super pessimist
oi... wth bro whuahuahua

hmm
lemme blog abt what happened yesterday (and today):

- woke up late cos i switched off my alarm til 10 am
- was kinda.. well., kindaaa, late to Jason's shoot
- Jorge tryin to be funny by drawing on my hand with marker
- seeing Gavin act and play keyboard with him *nosebleed*
- tickling Gavin til he laugh hysterically nonstop
- went to Dian's hse while waiting for the rest to have sushi
- Lynn lost her hp (again)
- went out with 7 seniors to Tanpopo <--- great! but too bad for the salmon
- went home
- slept in the bus til 1 30 am
- Lynn fetched me over
- (3 am) called Lynn's hp again for the last try
- someone picked up!!! so Lynn went over to pick it up
- brought home a overdue heavily pregnant lady & a huge dog
- emoed emoed emoed
- i fell asleep
- woke up in the morning to hear Lynn histerically shouted "snow!!!!"
- slept again
- woke up at 2 30 pm
- stupid snow storm
- tryin to do work
- eat nice food
- made crazily delicious apply in choco syrup *faints*
- onw doing work whahah

huehe i cant believe that im so laggy and slowwwwww
why why why
must be the wweather!
must be the cold!
must be the snow!
arghhhh

oke oke, shall not blame them, for no weather can make you dead
lol
oke oke oke

things to do:
- get songs & sfx for max patch
- do essay for FVIM
- do essay for ENGL
- do ppt for ENGL my year of meats
- study study study for MHIS
- download movies for MHIS

crazy shit~ whqhhaa