HUhuhuhuhhu..
i realised i either laugh things off, got into the blank expression mode,
or completely noisy, moanie and emo when I feel depressed or congested
or pressed or just...... stressed.

hell why like that?
wei shi mo wei shi mo mo mo mo mo mo

sian.

I love you Vania Musa!!! Kyaa kyaa kyaaa
(eits! say say say! not that kind of lustful lesbianic love)

Seriously, she is so encouraging and she gave the support,
the 'magic' hug that i was longing earlier today.
Lol.. blame me for being weak, noob and others..
But i saw something, i felt something and i felt so disconnected
to the whole scene...
its almost like im being angry to God
for putting me in the passenger scene, instead of the front
or rear seat?
Like, what do You wan me to do?
You want me to watch and what? Am I not worth going down the
scenario too?
but then again, after thinking and understanding His 'habit' and 'pattern'
i begun to accept that maybe, this is the way He wants me to learn,
by observing and listening, and analysing people's life
and not by tainting myself? hm.. i wonder God, what You want?
You put me here, in the midst of everything, everyone, every lil
different things and lives,
and You want me to watch.. WATCH.

doshite ne?



have to accept. accept.

anyway... 'magic' hug. whahaha
i saw Salvador just now (new anim friend with Rainer's built)
and i was emo at tt pt f time, so i went over with the intention
to get the hug. and i didnt get it. whahhaa
apparently he was talking to some person lol.
so yeah. i was kinda pissed off, i knew i sounded so immature. i think i was.
whahaha

and now.. lol. i gt it,
digitally, from Vania, whahahaa

thanks gurl.
hugs
jia you yah

i swear that im crazy
lolololol

so whatever happens
im crazy anyway
hahaha

api kecemburuan wanita
adalah salah satu apiyang terpanas di dunia
bukan karena bisa membakar
melainkan membumi hanguskan
mwnghancurkan jiwa
memakan habis raga

ketahuilah
bahwa tiada yang abadi
dan juga tiada yang sempurna
kebodohan manusia
selamanya di sana
jika tidak dikendalikan
maka akan memakan
segalanya
se ga la nya

hingga dunia ini habis
bunga ini layu
matahari terbenam
kau tahu itu
matanya tidak padamu
kau bukan tandingannya
tapi mengapa bunga
mengapa kau tetapkan hatimu
kau kuatkan tekadmu
tuk berlari mengejar angin itu
nan jauh di hati
mengapa
mengapa

humbleness
is all we need
to go through life

rather than
self-glorification
or self-egoism
why not
self-love
and humility?

WOOOT
today i had a very funnny day, not a bad day.
not even close to bad day, it was a good day.
lol

fine whatever.
which started funny and sucky anyway.
sucky, but fruitful. whahaha wtf wtf wtfff

so, i woke up at 9, then ran to sleep on the carpet
infront of the heater for another 3 hours, turning
3x, 1st being face facing heater, then legs facing heater,
then back facing heater. Great feeling when you woke up
for real, whole back ache like nobody's business.
haha

And then, i was preparing myself to go sch,
in the bathroom, singing happy song as i bathe and wash my hair,
cousin came knocking at my door,
trying to get into the bathroom cos she gt bleeding from falling down.
and she.. argh., nvm. to drama to go for detail.
lazy to type

but so yeah. went to sch, meet up with lynn. talk talk talk.
went to find carlos to cut vinyl...
and guess what?
nv rasterize font.. have to go home and do it, then come to sch!
like wtf!!!!!!!!!!
Rawr rawr rawr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
emo emo emo. go home.. wahaha
and i took a cab


(this, is the start of my good time)
cab went to granville st.
and then it turned into 15th
turn turn turn, 16 and oak.
then king edward...
and then i was thinking abt something *censored*
and i was thinking, what if cabbie turn and go into king edward
truly enough, i cant beleive it when cabbie turn into king edward!
im like. wtf! how come how come?
hahaha. so eyah.. and as i figured out the hosue number,
its infront of my face.
like wtf
whahahaha

funny experience. whahaha
and so yeah. work in sch, digitise 'scandalous' tape i had with Lynn.
super scandalous oke!
if anyone caught the tape, i think they'll die laughing and
yeah.. the end of my career in emily carr. whahhaa
we boliao mah..

and so.. cell group.
it was fun today, and yeah, very2 intimate.
i love how small group of people, coming from different background
could talk abt stuffs and agree to things...
and yeah. loveley. hehehehe.
Babeh is great, amen?

After which... sushi time with seniors. whahhaa
funny people i met there. very2 interesting people.
esp my senior, whos eurasian, angmoh face, and speak strong singlish
super walauweh whahahahahaha
went with the whole grp to his house,
and ended up watching southpark. fun
this is fun. lol. just like old times. whahaha

anyway... tmr...chiongster daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
do work work work
today charge up so much,
no muse but can lah. can do.
whaha
see house can liao
whahaha
wtf

Huehheeheehehe

if anyone caught me dozing off in class,
pls accept my humble apology.
im freaaaaaaakin sleeeeeeeeepy

hahahaa..

anyway..
cant sleep these days.
(Maki deduced that I may be worrying about things)
Heck, am i?
Hmmm hmmm hmmmm

Lalalalalalala
am i actually worried that i'll have estrangement with muse
and that muse will not be able to provide me with the
inspirations that *erhem* supposed to evoke me for?

heh..
weird.
yeah.
well..
sleeeepy.. sleeeeepy
gimme some sleeeep
nice nice sleep

last nite i tried sleepin on the carpet in the livin room.
But maybe i brought in my thin blanket only,
so when i woke p this morning.. whole back pain lol

hueh.
whata tiring day. all the more, time of the month.
sucker! rawr!

sian sian sian sian
i think i gt a freakin short fuse today.
very very very short fuse.
and i dont like myself when im in this way.
like, freakin stupid, gettin angsty for no apparent reason
and getting stuck, digging deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep deeeeeeeeeeeeeeep deeeeeeeep
to my own lovely grave.
like, hell! stop!!!!!!

get back to your old calm and composed self.
i took the wrong step, and theres no turning back.
and im pissed with myself for letting that happened.
sian sian sian sian.

rawr. wth wth wth hh
wtf wtf wtf ff

feels like shouting on top of my lungs....
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah well.
sian.
like. helll.............................


Thee, whom i shall not speak of,
beautiful beautiful self.
enough of shine, enough of light
for i am sick of digging
and my grave is deeep within
dont have to make me dig
for when i fall, i will die instantly

wtf wtf wtfff

So...sosososososososoooooooooooooooo

interestingly my ENGL class had religion debate.
just now. which was so boring. so i slept through.
woke up to find Jane was lookin at me with those
pleading eyes "damn i wanna sleep too"
Kids who dont really understand stuffs and tryin too
hard to embrace to topic... is boring.
whahhaa

anyway.. tts so random.

I met 1 Singapore senior in my sch. NYP. whahhaa. anim.
and yes, she revealed a SUPER SHOCKING SECRET!
Jason Riley hid in my sch. Well, not really, technically.
Hes here doing his 4th yera in film. Oke backtrack.
siang si JASON RILEY?
"Singing to my Alleagance" <-- does tt ring a bell?
The famous FYP (another one would be Geylang Lor 27 by Kenn Seah)
that TP has been having...and using.. and making fuckin full use of it.
whahaa

well im sure, Linus' one joined the team, but never was mine.
cos mine's fuckin crazy. anyway yeah. random again.
tonight is full of randomness.
i should blog often.
more about randomness.
fun rite? whahahaa

Anyway yeah, I super love Alleagance. So funny, so catchy and so... sooo...
soo.. cacad. And there was the chicken chop uncle!
my fave chicken chop uncle! whahahhaa...
and the pasir ris park! walauweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh
woohhoooohooohoo

oke oke behave kath.
erhem.

vinyl wise, i saw Gab's & uncle Antony's... as usual.
Antony's always doing the super minimalistic concept.
i would love to shout, "WTF!" but well.... civilising myself.
Gab's always the bomb. needless to say, he's the bomb.
crazily good and great in doing his work!
if he never make it in the future, well, there is no "if he never make it"
cos he will be able to make it. big. i think. if he wants to. oke, only if he wants to
damn!

great human being.


hmmm and now its 3 06 and im still in my sch clothesa
haven change yet
can die
and can die for tmr's cls
oke signing off
lalalallaa~
goooooooooooooooodnite
if killas tried to soften his voice again tmr im gonna slit his throat

anjrit anjrit!
kenapa ga bilank ke gw aja
kenapa musti lewat jalan belakang?
kenapa mao menang sendiri

capek deh

HUehehhehe.. so much so for the emo days.

Today's sermon was...
abt fruitfulness.

well, like, we are all live our life with purposes rite?
but in order for our lives to be fruitful...
there gt to be more than purposes.. or plannings...
or sacrifices...
its obedience.

obedience is greater than sacrifice.
you can sacrifice but theres not fruit in it,
but be obedience and everything will be added to it

interesting revelation...

tuh kan tuh kan tuh kaaaaaaaaan!!!
why cant i sleeep?
wtf wtf!

aaaaaaaaaaaaah its 2 41 am (according to my bro's laptop)
and im here
infront of the comp.
still typing, and facebooking and blogging.
like, wtf!
sleeep! go and sleeep kath!
if not, tmr you're surely dieeeeeeeeeeeeee!
cant wake up, die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sian.

sleeeeeeeeeeeeep! *plak!*
*raining slaps and slops*
ouch.
sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


okie okie
fine. i'll sleep.
geesh~

WOHOHOHOHOHOHOO!!!
I think.. im a bit high rite now.
no, no.. not becos of any drugs...
but because I WALKED FROM OAK to FRASER!
wohohoohooho..
freakin 45 mins
of rain, darkness, music, chewing gum, convo with God, sounds of cars passing by, tired muscles, heavy backpack, coldness, and.... er..... night time. whahaha

yeah, so.. here goes my story:
1. woke up late today. REALLY REALLY late.
2. cook some rice
3.took food from brother
4. wash clothes
5. hang clothes
6. wash clothes (til now its downstair but im lazy to take it. nvm. do tmr)
7. do a bit of work
8. cant concentrate
9. emo emo emo
10. tension in house (as usual)
11. facebooking most of the time (im so fucked up)
12. still facebooking (and wtf! nd to get works done!)
13. Vania commented on my photo
14. Msg Vania
15. She asked me out to do work together at Oak & Broadway
16. Bathe
17. Go
18. Passed by hohooo.. shhh shhh...
19. Gt to the cafe
20. work work work (at last) <---------- 8 30 pm
21. buy small and lame expresso
22. get leftover from vania & sista
23. talking to Lynn
24. go home <---------------11 20
25. take money 1st
26. board 17 <--------------- 11 50
27. reached 49th & oak <-----12 05
28. call to check bus not in service anymore <--- 12 10
29. start walkin from oak <--- 12 11
30. reach home <-------------12 50

hahahahhahaha
siao liao!
but it feels goood
i dunno
i love doing it
would walk some other time
hehehehe

hueheueuehuehuehuee
huehuehueuee
wsnuiwhsedbweidbwdiwfdibwidfgiwhd
bdebdiuegidewihdiehdiue
udbdubdii
dhubdicbiuwdbirdnbdfokrehiofheodhoewi
diunidubiudhiuh
nidned

damn
i am
now
feeling
a
lil
bit
suicidal
although i wont do it
but well
emo emo emo
its like
caged and forced
its like
compressed and pressed
i cant breathe
i cant run
i want to jump
down from stairs to stairs
its just.
tiring
listening, but unheard
talking but misunderstood
nothingness
nothingnesss
damnit
damnit
im tired
lemme enjoy my life
my youth!
my beautiful beautiful life!
but now
im like caged
tied
bounded
and i see things arnd me
in colours
when im here
drained
sucked
and ran dry

mandi mandi mandi donk kath

anyway
i watched movie with Lynn & Nihal today.
K, woke up late. i love free day
and i love bathing at night
maks your sleeep seemed better. whhahaa

the movie;s called... gone baby gone
man~
awesome. whaha maybe not the best movie shot,
but storyline was wooohooohoooohooo
andyeah..
i saw SO MANY ads on ELLEN PAGE.
samson, if you read this,
dont cry.
i'll indulge ellen page myself. whahahahaha
if you wan, come here lah!
lolololol

theres a few movies comin up with her as main lead.
cant wait to see.
tt crazy lil gurl had soooo much to see,
her acting;s crazy, which is why, i guess, she gt al the crazy roles
in crazy stories.
but yeah..
most of the movies she acted in won awards...
hohoho

Whueueuehuehuehueheuhueheuheu
FINALLY!
i can proudly say that... i satisfy 40% of my loooooooong-time craving:
jap food hehehehe.

So, i went to hav dinner with Vania & Mel.
We ate at downtown, cant remember the shop's name
but it was awesome. not say the best, but at least satisfied some of my
craving... hehehhee

the udon... the beeeeef, the tempura..... the soba..whahaa
soba reminded me of the old times in singapore,
where i went to daisho one fine day and found out that they were
selling dried soba for... 1.99 whahaa. so i bought 1 packet home and
it lasted me & my lil bro for 1 week.
we could just cook it like how you cook instant noodle, but instead of
soya sauce (which our hse doesnt have tt day), we used oyster sauce.
taste great too whuahuahua

after which, we went off to UBC Robson, hung out in the building hahaa
and were having a crit session with Mel. I love her design hehehe.

Started doing my storyboard but i hope all well's end well too

tired ね...

hmmmmmmm.....
朋友看到风水，风云。。。
咱们瞧不出风景。
きみわどこいる？
kukelilingi lapangan hijau tapi kau terlindung daun
yang hilang ditelan Bumi
until then I would rest my unrestness

Hmmmmm boring siah
boring ring ring ring ring
what a boring day today
lalala
ring ring ring
boring ring ring

hmmm i just remembered what i wanna write just now.
today's weather was so cold.
and i am so thankful that my ipod played 'warm and hot songs'
such as... x japan! dir en grey! etc etc etc.. whahhahaha

and while i was walking to sch, it came to my mind that songs by
Sarah Mclachlan arent the best songs around for cold weather. whaha
makes you shiver more~! cos the songs give you visuals of cold
winter, outdoor scene. damnit whahaha

Hmm hmmm hmmm..
死雨! <-- whatever the meaning is!
(i wanna play with my newfound language input huehueuhe)
どうしてね？？どうして！！！！
yeah. oke.
now im gonna write the real thing. wahahahahaa

it was raining.. since afternoon.
nice. thank you. damnit!
when i gt home...
things that gt drenched:
1. jacket
2. jacket's pocket
3. jeans (upper thigh)
4. jeans (lower bottom all wet)
5. shoes
6. socks
7. feet

die lah! wtf!
rawr rawr rawr rawr
whahaha

anyway...
i did a googlemap thingy for my project,
featuring most of the fun stuffs in IMD.
lol.. eh im still figuring out the free running photos
all go where ah?
anybody know?
(rice, shan, gq, mud, joel???)

and anyway
bathing soon
then doing work.
no procrastinating tonight
or 死ぬ！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Romans 12:15 - 1 Kings 20:28

Saul was very angry; this refrain galled him. "They have credited David with tens of thousands," he thought, "but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?" (1 Samuel 18:8)

This statement caused something to snap in King Saul. From this point on, Saul was never the leader God intended him to be. He allowed insecurity to drive his every decision. Insecurity leads to the need to control people and circumstances. The need to control leads to anger once we realize we are unable to control the circumstance. King Saul could not accept, much less rejoice, over David's success. David's life would never be the same, because Saul sought to kill David every chance he had. Saul had a choice; he could have seen David as an up-and-coming general in his army who could have become an important part of his team and made the kingdom of Israel even stronger. Instead, he looked at him as a threat.

When you hear good news about fellow workers or associates, do you rejoice with them? If you find yourself comparing your life's circumstances to others and don't feel you measure up, recognize that this is one of satan's greatest ploys to destroy you.

Christ has given you all things in Him. He has a unique plan for you that cannot be compared to another. He alone is your security. Trust in the purposes He has for your life. And remember, "My God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus" (Phil. 4:19 KJV).






now i know.. now i realised....
that i shldnt let myself be off control in times like this. whhaha
anyway..

yeah..
being here in vancouver, ive encountered so many...
what do you call em... empty souls?
empty souls with layers of masks..
walking arnd in crowds and wasting their lives away
by partying, drugging and drunking (wtv term i use, pls forgive my bad english)
like yo! whats the point of doing all these when youre all empty inside?

Run away from me, pls
For I am a filth
My voices' unheard
Unworthy to be
Humans see
Humans feel
Humans love, but
Im just not one of em
Im with death
Crippled and forsaken
Killed and railed down
Hey, hey..
I'm missing my heartbeat
And then again, there's no heartbeat
Its just emptiness..
Silence..
Coldness and fear eloped
But you're just not here
You will never be here
I am not the fleur
who could fragrance

Hoh well im in sch and im high.
not because of the drugs.
nv becos of drugs, cos i dont need them to get high.
i need sleeeep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sleeep!
sleeep!!!!!

damnit.

And if people are wondering why there's no update about
my muse, or what so ever... cos its just that there's no news.
nil. zilch. hahahaha. i dont wanna feel like im a bastard when
i know my muse is always longing for someone else, always
looking at ..... ah watever whahaha.
yeah...... beautiful lovely little creatures have strong appeals.
yes im aware of how the whole 'i wanna be able to protect somebody'
feels like. lol.
so yeah.

im bored.. sleepy, stressed (lotsa work to do).
and heck..... i need to have muse!
shall we just take hyde as muse?
or abel nightroad?
or.. or... go back to Glivis? whahahahahahaa
hmmmmmmmmm..
maybe if a "makoto amano" appears,
it would great.
muse muse muse, listen to the band muse lah!
(random)

my eyes' power level = 20%, ichiban siah!

anyway,
gw ga jelas kenapa
tp temen gw ini tuh bener2.. gw rasa rada kelewatan.
bagaikan miyavi yang selalu manggil dirinya oresama.
kayaknya tuh, kalo ga membanggakan diri... ga puas.
trus maonya kita ikut mulu..
capek juga sih, kadang2.
kayak, gw skrg di sini ga bs dpt tmn curhat yg bener2 pas.
susah bgt nyarinya.
bukan dicari juga sih, tp kan kalo bs ada yg bersependatan,
sepikir, enak bgt yah kalo bisa gitu.
kayak dulu.... dulu banget..
ga ngerti deh.


Tuhan, apa ini yg namanya kesepian?
Di tengah dinginnya angin aku bertandang
Hanya untuk melihat sebuah cahaya
Suam suam kuku nan redup
Dan ketika kudatangi, chaya itu pun
mendekat
sampai akhirnya kulihat ia
menghinggapi kawanku.

Woah..
so last night's my turn to stayover at Lynn's house.
It was lovely, and the bed is definitely 1000000% more comfy than my house's.
And yeah... that explain pretty well why i look so hobo in sch today.
whaha
just couldnt be bothered to wear fancy clothing...
as i didnt wanna bring unnecessary things and break my backbone.
what were you thinking when i say overnight?
play? hangout? work lah! homeworks! piles and piles of em
and yesh... Lynn, omedetto!~ <-- for whatever you think i need to congratulate you at lah

met up with Mel & Dian. Dian, with her new Sakura hair,
looks soooooooooooo kawaiiii whuahuhauauaaha
*nosebleed*. and the 3 of us, being so stressed, depressed and 'high'
managed to crack jokes for an hour or so, laughing at every sngle shit
around and just.... random laughing at things....
at accents.... etc... wtv...
oh, even at the painting of the fish head hehehe. i love the painting.
so bloody.

Dian.. dian.. waahaaa what a name.
Nurul (if you remember, IMD 1 year senior) wanted to do an indonesian
language FYP, titled Dian (which in the end, nv...) because she had a crush
on Dian (guy) the cute 1/2 indonesian senior who was also in our sch.
And initially she wanted me to act as Dian, and we did develop the script
together..... lol~ random dian-ness...

Dian was also the hunk from my church in singapore. whuauhaua. was.
he is in US rite now lol~ Dian gt lotsa fans whahaha. i still remember lol~
funny funny coincidences. whahaha

and we (me & eciad Dian) were doing a lame monologue on javanese japanese.
Like, we javanise the word "doshite" whuaa
lame. lame. lamure

Well, Lynn was in my house last nite.
This morning i was surprised (being 'blind' w/o specs)
that i heard 2 female talkin in the kitchen.
so i peeped, and there was lynn & samantha hwuuaahaha
not bad, make friend. love you gurls.
and then we had our lame talks, helpin Tiara to apply makeup
and lynn helped me to pick clothes hahaa
(i help tiara, she help me. cycle)

anyway...
i opened my myspace.. the abandoned one.
and showed Lynn yoshiki's myspace.
and then his blog.
man,.. it was ok, i guess.
but i always had to hold back my emotion
whenever i read through this post,
which is, btw my fave post..
cos yeah... understandable.
dong qing... wtver the word is.. you know,.. u know...

02/25/2007

X JAPAN

God!!!

I finally got the day off yesterday.

After the new year, I've been working and working……. I got sick, but kept recording and recording……. So I finally finished one of the projects I have been working on……. Not VUK, not yet…….

Anyway, it was a perfect day off…… I went to my studio, and interviewed several candidates for my entertainment organization, and went to dinner with several friends…… then went to see the "Dir en grey" show at the Wiltern Theater in LA.

Overall the show was great…… full of energy, and….. every time I see them perform, it makes me want to rock…… I'm doing a lot of different genres of music……. from classical to…… whatever…… but I think I really love rock. I've been playing the drums since I was 10 years old…… well, actually playing the piano since age 4 as well.

Anyway…… after the show, the entire band came to my house, and celebrated Shinya's (the drummer's) birthday party. Back then….. well, when I was producing Dir en grey, we used to hang out pretty much every day…… It was so nice to hang out with them again.

Last night we ended up drinking together until the morning,

I hope they're all OK for the show tonight.

On stage they were very charismatic, but off stage they are some of the sweetest people I know…… HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THEM!!!

Well, I haven't been producing bands or artists for a while…… because at one point I was producing almost 10 artists at the same time, and it completely burned me out…… But I may be starting again…… well before I do, I have to finish so many other things……

OK….. I'm still working on Violet UK……I think….. but for the first time in many years, I'm confident that some of these songs will be able to blow your minds away……

When I used to do X Japan's songs…… every time I finished recording….. I hated them….. I always felt that something was missing…… but finally with VUK…… You'll see!!!!!!!

And…… some people have questions about "THE BAND".

Yes, Sugizo from Luna Sea came here to LA several times last year, and last month Gackt came to town, and we both went to dinner….. pretty much just the two of us……

Actually that was really funny….. Gackt came to my house and ate dinner…… that was good….. Then I said to him "why don't we go out to dinner?". and he said "we just ate…..???" then I said "I wanna eat different food….." well .... we ate Japanese food at my house, and then ended up going out to a Japanese restaurant in LA…..

(We are very weird…. Ha, ha, ha, ha)…… but that was fun!

Yes, I'm so lucky to have them as friends, and also to be able to work with them professionally.

Sugizo and Gackt are such talented people, also having such an amazing vibe. Actually, they are all going to come here next month with one more person that I can't reveal yet.

OK, and X Japan…..

I'm like…….Why now? ..... Why, why, why……

To be honest….. it took years to conquer the pain and sadness….. maybe not yet, I still cannot listen to…… or watch X Japan's videos….. without tears…..

" MY OWN GODDAMN BAND" ….. I can't listen to it without crying…… HOW CAN I BE IN IT AGAIN? …… IT HURTS SO MUCH…… TO EVEN TALK ABOUT ...... X JAPAN…..

Yes, I can play the drums. I think I can play them even harder than before…… of course my injured neck and wrists hurt….. but SO WHAT!!! ….. I don't give a fuck about that kind of pain…..

But mentally….. I don't know if I can take it….. I'm not saying if I'll do it or not….. I talked to Toshi (vocalist)……. He called me almost towards the end of last year….. for the first time since we went our separate ways……….

Toshi and I..... we grew up together…........ I don't know ….. I don't know…. I don't …… know …….

Yes, there are lyrics of the song "WITHOUT YOU" ….. That, I wrote, right after Hide's death….. also, I had to do so many takes of piano recording, because of the tears falling down and flooding the piano keys, and my fingers kept slipping again and again.

If there's somebody to sing this song ….. I think it should be Toshi….. but …… I don't know….. I don't know….. I don't fucking know….. It's too painful to……

I'm sorry, I don't want to make you feel depressed or anything like that….. but so many people have been asking me about this, so I had to say something…… just let me….. have…… a little more time……

I love you all.

YOSHIKI

can cry lah...
yeah.
i practically.. sniffing myself away.
lol.
emo+emo=emo (to the power of 2)

lalalala~

do work
do work.
lalalallaa

Hmm so here I am..
bloggin at 5 52 am..
sounding like some insomniac.
well actually im not (for today i think)
whaha
had just finished my business with facebook
and all other websites whhahaa

Okie.. so basically.. 1 'interesting' thing that i did today was..
to go clubbing.
and yeah... i dunno.
i just dont find clubbing and dancing pretty fun and amusing thing to do
although i do admit the interaction and connection socialising values
are high.

lol. i gt to know 2 animation seniors from emily carr.
and plus 2 other random seniors too (who's workin).
Really interesting.

apart from that, i tried dancing
but the dance just come out like out of nowhere
i dont even feel anything when im dancing..
weird? i bet whaha

and the songs.. aaaaaaaaaaaargh
r&b but most of em cmi
1st being that i dont really go with r&b
2nd being that im not really into dancing
3rd being that only gt me & lynn
4th being that lotsa dumb movements observed in the club
5th being that, i dont really fling flung or flirt..
6th being that i wasnt high on alcohol
(hinal kept on suggesting i shld take sugar to get high. lol. )
whahahahaha...

and i drank 3 or 4 drinks.... 1 of em (a shot) was very hot on the throat
whetver the name is.. i just donno.
so yeah...
and i wasnt high at all.. which means im not noob at all lah~
but yeah.. beware of the morning~
for people may be seieng me scratching my butt up to my back
due to rashes..
lwhuahuahuaua
i hope no rashes no rashes no rashes...

the dance floor was fully packed with humans.
asian, to be exact,
with a few of angmohs (5-6 maybe) and a few heiren (2 maybe)

and yeah...
the japanese are the most interesting crowd.
the jap dancer's gank~
maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, when they dance, whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
i love it.
theres this gurl who dances too.. R&B. more pro than normal noob gurl,
no need to compare her with me. whahhaa cos im noob's noob
beautiful!~~~ kireii!!
and so yeah..

my conclusion:
i still wanna explore japan one day..when there are sufficient $$$

huuuh

heavy heart again
whahahhaa
have to do work!
dont play!
do work!
work!
work!

And then again
the petal started to unfold itself.
interesting fact, i observed
quite shocking quite enlightning.
well i hope all is well and i can pass through the gate
of eternal peace.. never to wander in uncertainties....

And yeah.. regarding the gurl i mentioned yesterday..
Hahaha.. didnt she see it that she had waaaay chances ahead of me?
Its so funny because here we are,
in the same boat
but she looked at me like as though we were standing on different boat
trying to get to the island.
like, hello~ same boat. neighbour. teammate.
i guess for me, i'l just watch and see
how the boat gets nearer to the island

because of the 'thing' that found out unexpectedly
things turn out differently.
i may be letting go faster
and things may get normalise sooner
than what i think..



and here i am
ranting crap
k nvm
go to sleep lah kath!~
mew mew
whuahauaaaa
oh well
its better to have muse
than not to have one
at least muse could arouse your creative subconscious mind
lol lol lol

Hmm hmm hmmm
issit neccesary to have so much noise in my house?
i.am.just.so.tired.

and yes!
2 lights arent lighting up...
toilet's so dirty
kitchen's so dirty
bins' so dirty
fridge's no food

rawr

let me die a thousand death
lemme sleep a thousand year
til everything else passes their course
wake me up when september comes


lol-ed

Hahahahaa..
I.woke.up.late again today.
its like, doshite!!! what the hell is wrong with me...
Niterider... and insomniac at nite..
then.. the next morning.. died like some old hag...
and came late to sch~
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

this is super bad.
whahahhaa

anyway Lynn said something super funny just now:

Lynn>> so Amos was telling me,"I fucked her and fucked her off" (abt his gf)
Lynn>> and I was like, "wait~ fucked as in having sex.."
Lynn>> "or fucked as in knnccb!?"

whahahaha
okie this sounded wrong but it was hilarious..
like, the way shes saying it whahahaha
just.sounds.wrong.

And yes..
today i felt a new aura around me.
i can feel it.
the cold, murderous pair of eyes.
looking at me.
with that cardboard on her hand...
man... so intense
like every move i made..
i was being watched at the canteen.
whahaha..
so yeah.. conratulation, Kath
you landed yourself into the 'kangooro dio spotlight' position.
but im not really complaining.

well, its just a phase of life
that we have to pass through
in order to go from one to another
like, through this we could probably learn something
and laughed it off when everything's over


will it be over?
heck, i wonder somehow
whether or nt this has turned into a 'game'
or a 'battle'
or whatever...
cos whatever it is,
it surely aroused my subconscious inspirations
and... err.. well... i dunno..
it causes damages yeah, but it also woken my aesthetic senses up
well wtf, look at how many writings i produced within those few days
and how many emo poems i did.. whahahaha

im not really complaining
lol
just... questioning doshite will do
and see where this goes
and catch what's the moral behind these all

Wohohho..
Heck, i just realised that I lost my widgets tts supposed to be
on the right side of my laptop's desktop <-- wtv with the terms
and i just realised that i had to click on to the profile colour
chooser to be able to use the calibrated colour for my screen.
Its like.. WTF!!! doshiteeeeee

okie...
so now... i am to announce that im dead. whahhaa
have to call err... whats her name... oh okie. ervina
and gonn atell her that the movie edit idea wasnt workin well for me..
busy busy busy..

anyway... today i could function like normal.
normal human being, of course.
and i felt kinda 'high' <- aka lame. talkin nonsensical stuffs
like, when you put pressure at something which has the mass of
24 g/dm3, what you'll get is expansion of shape..
so if the shape (eg: skull) cant expand, what you'll get is this
gory idea of brain forcing its way towards the skull.
okie tts too visual. but yeah. whahaa

So.. tommorow... i shall finished my:
1. ENGL stupid compo
2. a blog post for DIVA
3. well, maybe read some pages of the film art book
4. wanna wanna wanna do a drawing. aaaargh itchy2 handsss
5. call ervina and change of plan thing
6. find 3 songs for P&W

wohohohoho
busy busy busy day

Huehh.. happy thanksgiving day (in canada) whahhaa
lol.. why i said in canada? cos Rin told me US's thanksgiving is in Nov...
(the same way, mother's day in indo and whole world are in different date..)

anyway.. slept a super good sleep, forgot what i dreamt on,
but i freakin sure i dreamt of something...
woke up at 12 30 <-- super pig whahhaa
and yeah... called Lynn to chitchat for a while, ate lunch, do laundry..
and now.. some-sort-of-in-between-procrastinating & writing-compo session.

Its funny on how me & lynn connected.
Like, we have very different persona outside (the body),
like how we view stuffs, how we look (duhduhduh), how we bring ourselves arnd,
but inside.. i guess we're of not much diff.
i dunno, tts just my observation..
Like, yes of cos, we have sort of narcicsstic self within,
we like to type emoooooooooooooo poems,
with drama2 sentences....
like to write stories in which ur characters are concealed in,
like black stuffs, red stuffs,
dark stuffs,
emo stuffs....
and YES japan stuffs! whahhaa

sounds like... crazy sister here. but its true,
sometimes i wonder how the heck 2 of us landed in ECIAD
chanced upon on facebook
in almost the same classes
took almost same stuffs back then
had almost the same qualifications (dip)
speak common language <--- SINGLISH LOL whahaha

ah whatever...
im just being bored.
whahah

cos i wanna write a fiction about 2 childhood buddies (but more to bgr later on)
from kampong (surti-tejo? whahaha no nono.. not obscene)
anyway, yeah.. lemme just fantasise,. and dream on,.
and maybe get mushroom if my head's stuck there..
sian...


was having a... bad night..
when you i realise something and something is not good
of course the whole universe seemed to crack and start
dispersing...
like... er.... whats tt movie.....
the vampire become ash kind of visual....
cold smile..
ah whetver...

Whoeh..... insomnia again.
doshite ne? not enough ah? damnit!
stop.... stoppp not-sleeping!
you ought to sleep, gurl.
and you freaking have lotsa homework to do!
wtf youre doing rite now?

ENGL: 1 essay + 1 reading & analysis
MHIS: 1 mise-en-scene assignment + reading
FVIM: 1 final project (proposal) + 1 forum review
DIVA: 1 blog project + 1 essay + 1 vinyl stuffs thingy...

hiayah haiyah

gurl... wthe hell are you thinking rite now
sch above nonsensical stuffs!
come on~

I was listening to X JAPAN and yeah.. whahhaa
These are the few of the songs that I love from them...
Well i hope someday.. somehow.. they will reunite..
err but nvm.. no Hide means.... er.. nvm.. just keep it that way....

Crucify my love
If my love is blind
Crucify my love
If it sets me free
Never know Never trust
"That love should see a color"
Crucify my love
If it should be the way

Swing the heartache
Feel it inside out
When the wind cries
I'll say goodbye
Tried to learn Tried to find
To reach out for eternity
Where's the answer
Is this forever

Like a river flowing to the sea
You'll be miles away, and I will know
I know I can deal with the pain
No reason to cry

Crucify my love
If my love is blind
Crucify my love
If it sets me free
Never know Never trust
"That love should see a color"
Crucify my love
If it should be the way

'Til the loneliness shadows the sky
I'll be sailing down and I will know
I know I can clear clouds away
Oh Is it a crime to love

Swing the heartache
Feel it inside out
When the wind cries
I'll say goodbye
Tried to learn Tried to find
To reach out for eternity
Where's the answer
Is this forever

If my love is blind
Crucify my love
If it sets me free
Never know Never trust
"That love should see a color"
Crucify my love
If it should be the way

--------------------

I'm drowning in sadness
Falling far behind
I feel there is just no way out
Is there anyone there? Where am I?

Insanity and loneliness
Tear my painful heart
Broken heart keeps on going to beat
But it never stops bleeding

I've been waiting for love to come
Someone who wants to touch me inside
Memories of my yesterdays

Careless words and deeds
Masquerade of love
Gotta find my way outta here

I was blinded by dark desire
Over time I've been through it all
I'm crying my share of tears

What can I do
Will I make it through
I must be true to myself

Voiceless Screaming
Calling to me inside of my heart
Voiceless Screaming
Now is the time I got to speak out

Voice of faith, I'm starting to realize
Now my eyes can see
I have gone so far
I'm feeling breath of life

And I'm looking for love to reach
Someone I want to touch deep inside
Light shines on my sight of doubt
Don't be afraid
Move forward one step
Willing mind is what I have found at last

Voiceless Screaming
Calling to me inside of my heart
Voiceless Screaming
Now is the time I got to speak out

Voiceless Screaming
Calling to me inside of my heart
Knockin' on my soul's door
I believe in myself and trust what I do

Voiceless Screaming
Pain of the past still hurts me inside
Knockin' on my soul's door
I climb the stairs that lead me to Heaven

------------

I'm looking for you
Trying to reach your roses
Carried away by the time

Seijaku no kyouki ni katame o
tsubusareta mama

You've gone away
From the stage
Leaving no words
There's just fake tears left

itsuwari no shinju de kazatta
bara no hanataba o sagasu

I'm blind insane
In the red of silence
Now I've lost your love

genkaku no ai ni kawareta ayatsuri ningyo

Get me on my feet
Get me back to myself
Pretend you love me

yubisaki made shinku ni somatta
ore o mitsumete

Mou taekirenai kodoku no serenade
kyozou no umi ni nagashite
yume kara sameta chimamire no tenshi o
mune ni daitemo
I can not stop

Silent Jealousy
Don't you leave me alone
kanashimi ni midarete
modorenai ai o kazaru
kurikaesu kodoku no naka ni

Tell me true doko ni yukeba
kurushimi o aiseru
I still want your love ai o tomete
kurui saku kioku o keshite

"I just wanted to stay with you
I just wanted to feel your breath of grace
I didn't know what to do
I couldn't say anything
When consciousness returned
Everything had been washed away
by the tide of time, even you

But the scars of memory never fade away
I can't stop loving you
Stop my tears
Stop my loving
Kill my memories"

You dyed my heart in blood
No way to kill my sadness
tachisaru mae ni koroshite
kyouki no ai ni dakareta hitomi wa
nani mo mienai
ima mo I miss you
Can't live without you

Silent Jealousy yume ni ochite
dakishimeru kioku o
Stay in yesterday toki o tomete
kurikaesu kodoku o keshite

Take me back to the memory, to the dream

Silent Jealousy
Don't you leave me alone
kanashimi ni midarete
Kill me, Love

Hahahaha..
Today i kinda feel better. Its like... the whole last night stupid
emo thing, i kinda thought of it the other way round.
It turned out to be a 'suan'-ing session with Lynn. Good job~

Hmm hmmm..
This morning, well, i thought i was gonna be falling asleep as usual during sermon.
Interestingly this pastor from Indo came over and did the talking.
He was very good, having gone trhough interesting lifre journey,
packed with crazy funny lame interesting facts and jokes....
So yeah... 10 of the points he made:

1. God make me to be like David (optimism)
being able to be optimist at times like THIS hahaha

2. God make me to be like Jonathan (ability to love)
being able to love people who you may not love (love as in... kasih..)

3. God make me to be like Joseph (holiness)
being able to guard our heart, not to fall for what is not within our principle

4. God make me to be like Joshua (decision making)
being able to make radical decision

5. God make me to be like Esther (courage)
having the courage to do what is required

6. God make me to be like Salomon (wisdom)
being able to know whats right, whats wrong, whats good and whats not good

7. God make me to be like Jeremiah (emotional openness)
being able to admit weakness and being open to people

8. God make me to be like Nehemiah (commitment to celebrate)
being able to enjoy life whilst struggling

9. God make me to be like Peter (initiation taker)
being able to take the initiative when no one else's doing it

10. God make me to be like Paul (intensification)
being able to put our whole heart to do something until we achieve it


lol
so yeah
whaahahaa
had a meeting with brad and javier abt their independent film.
interesting concept...

and then we spent our lives away by playing on arcade..
and having our laughter peace and joy at mcD.
whaahhahaa~
we had a super crazy funny topic...
and if you were there.. we were the 2 dummies who laugh like pontianak whaha

Ahh.. so today i had a SUPER GOOD NIGHT SLEEP
whahaha
i woke up at... er... 11 30, with Vincent calling me on my hp,
scolding me on why i wake up so late, and then finding out that
he woke up ONLY 1/2 hour before me. whha
eh bro, wth lah whahhaa


So, i cooked super random food, with rice, mushroom, cheese,
egg and i-cant-rem-what-else-oke? whahaha
taste a bit salty... i admit, tts not the best i ever did.

Anyway, met Vincent for our random hangout session and it
turned out pretty wet. not like whatever-freak you think it is,
but becos VANCOUVER RAINED LIKE NOBODY BUSINESS
had hotdog & starbucks' venti sized coffee for dinner

Met up with HFAN kids and my bro who were having korean dinner.
On the way HOME, there was a huge accident, which caused the bus
we took to defer its route... so yeah..
and basically it was a freakin 1 hour ride instea dof the 20 mins ride.
thanks hor.
and thats aftr waiing for anhour or so... and i was drenched, tired, wet, cold,
dying and all. whahaha

Grab my comp and start emoing arnd,
type some pretty bloody post and went for super hot bath
and now.. reporting all these nonsense to whoever you are whahahahaa

shan, im super random rite now lol.
gq, your sister is trying to be human lol.
ryce, cant wait to meet u up again (and take your pretty2 pics hehehe)
and everyone else that i havent mention...
im goin to sleep rite now

head spinning like kelly minogue song whahaa

I swear I'm having a freakin big war with myself rite now.
With my stupid idiotic self that doesnt want to change
that doesnt want to move on
that doesnt want to think futuristically

whahahhahhaa...
i swear that im gonna stop thinking and thinking and thinking
i swear that i'll keep my mouth and feeling shut
i swear that i'm ignoring God's sign when i smsed that fateful *bleep*
i swear that i'm the stupidest asshole in this whole rooftop
til i can safely stop saying "emooooooooo.. doshite neeeeeeeeeee"
to each individual who knows, who doesnt know and who doesnt want to know
who cares, who deosnt cares, and who does wnat me to shuddup

From now on,
close your eyes when you are tempted to see
hide yourself when you are tempted to feel
refrain yourself when you are tempted to step forward
tie yourself to that latch when you are tempted to follow
or practise extra unneccesary unwanted stupid socialising skills

just freakin shuddup kath
you're just not worth the time,
not worth the pain.
not worth the concentration


so you better stop dumb2ing Kath
be good and listen to your cmmon sense
listen to your resolution
and forget about wtver lovely your prediction might be

remember,
everything before *your usual emoism topic*
that should always be the lasssstest thing you can ever put your focus on
that useless piece of point that you wanna focus on
never look or judge that part of exposure the same way again


sian... whahah ai know im typin too much
leaking too many shit outta here
but the more i keep it to myself
the worse it will get
and i know im destrying myself inside
so why not destroy myself outside
and save the inside
waahhahahaa
dum dum du ri du ri dam dam

be numb, my heart. lol
like adam sandler/rob schenneiser said, "you can do it!"
lol

Heh well. I had a freaking good nite sleep last nite.
whahahhaa... it wa slike.. i dunno.. i woke up at 11 30...
did laundry... read the new book forcefully bought under
the ENGL module... Well, i found the story quite interesting..
quite engaing.. and maybe somehow feels a bit connected whhaa
not becos i experience them, but i imagine if im experiencing it.
and i think this stupz laptop keyboard are all noob, cos i frequently
have typo, whhahahaa...

Anyway.. had cell group today. Great discussion. I believe that whatever
we discussed, those stuffs are very2 nourishing, enriching. hohohoho
And yes, mellissa is there too! (ECIAD year 2)
whahhahaa
anyway, its interesting to know that the indos in ECIAD are quite
united, in lotsa ways.. hehehe.



Anyway....
Lets move on to the next topic.
I shall declare that i am going to start my measures
to stop my heart from pullin down my IQ level.
huehuee

and you know when you like a certain people so much
that you could just capture their freakin gooody angle...
i cant do it
theres no chance or anything to do it
so yeah..
leave no memories..
wait.,..
or should i JUST take a few pics of him...
so i could forget him..
wtv
lalalal~
im goin to sleep now..
whahha
zombified.

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose we remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord, I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord, let justice embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

Nonsensical stuffs that i can use to channel my frustration.
Eh seriously the gurls in my house, bickers bickers bickers
like no one's business.. can i just.... go outta house and study somewhere?

fished all these nonsense from friendster. argh.

Tahun Lalu

1. Tahun lalu kamu ada dimana?
*Singapore

2. Tahun lalu siapa pacar lo?
* kosong bo

3. Tahun lalu dimana lo tidur?
* toho graden whahhaa

4. Tahun lalu siapa yang lo sayang?
* yeh nanya lagi. yah dqah pasti org2 yg gw sayang lah. whuahua
yg pasti ga punya cowo, kalo itu yg mao elo tau whahhaa

5. Tahun lalu siapa yang lo kangenin?
* ada sih... tapi.. yah gitu deh. udah lah.

6. Tahun lalu berapa umur lo?
* 20

7. Tahun lalu ada berapa tv di kamar lo?
* ada 1 imac & laptop. pengganti tv., whhhaa

8. Tahun lalu sekolah di mana?
* Temasek Polytechnic

9. Tahun lalu berapa banyak piyama lo?
* yah 2 pa 3 kali. yg laen ma baju biasa. gw boo tergantung mood pake baju apanya



_Kemaren_

1 . Kemaren tidur jam berapa?
* 3an deh...

2. Terus bangunnya?
* ajem 7 30. telat skolah deh

3. Siapa yang bangunin?
* bangun ndiri..hehe..

4. Siapa yang pertama lo temuin?
* my sepupu whuahua

5. Mandi ga?
* iya lah

6. Pake sabun apa?
* err apa itu? lux?

7. Beli dimana?
* dr indo donk whuahua



_Sek arang_

1. Lagi ngapain?
* lg stress and emo. bego banget deh

2. Lage sayang seseorang?
* sayang sama 'bayangan' yang gw ciptakan dr seseorang...

3. Kangen ga sama dia?
* masa nggak. tapi dia nya ga kangen ma gw. udah pasti lah

4. Boleh tau siapa?
* apalah artinya sebuah nama jika tidak disertai keindahan jiwa?
(cieee.. maksutnya sih mengelak jawaban whuahua)

5. Siapa yang ada di deket loe?
* 2 sepupu yg lagi bunuh2an

6. Panggil donk?
* gila yah. ga pengen deket2 ah

7. Kalo lo nemuin duit seratus juta gimana?
* gw pake buat dana sekolahan gw whuahaua

8. Sekarang punya mimpi gak?
* banyak

9. Boleh tau?
* macem2 deh. nanti abis donk kolomnya kalo gw jelasin satu2



_Besok_
1. Mau pergi kemana?
* cell group

2. Sama siapa?
* yah sama sisil, vera, ong, vania & sapa tuh yah... lupa

3. Mau pake baju warna apa?
* apa aja. repot ojo

4. Mau makan engga?
* skrg? ga. kenyang bgt!

5. Apa indonesia masih ada?
* apa2an ini pertanyaan! mao mati?!



_Tahun depan_

1. Harepan loe buat tahun depan?
* aman terntram indah sentosa (tambah damai)

2. Buat orang yang loe sayang?
* yah.... makin diberkati sama Babeh di atas. huehuee

3. Lo pengen ada dimana?
* di tempat dimana gw bisa manggil "rumah"

4. Apa yang pengen lo selesain?
* project yang indah

5. Apa tahun depan umur lo nambah?
* masa nggak? 21!

6. Mau ngisi bulbo lagi?
* boleh

7. Pas ulang tahun, tahun depan pengen
dapet apa?
* pengen dapet apa yang Tuhan mao gw dapet. pasrah aja deh




Okay this is called 50 FIRST
REACTIONS.. type what comes to your
mind first whenever you hear these 50
words. Don't think and don't go back
and change. Doesn't matter how random
just type it! Repost it for all of your
friends.

1. Beer: VIFF

2. Food: bulgogi

3. Relationships: headache stuffs

4 . Your crush : nevertheless dont bother me with this one!!! argh~

5. Power Rangers: alpha

6. Life: strait times (newspaper)

9. The President: err.... butter (president brand)

10 . Yummy: err.. siti? whahhaa okie, her nickname's yammy

11. Cars: whatever that can be driven. and can contain lotsa ppl!

12. Movie: transformer (cos i just had my sms with transformers ringtone)

13 . Halloween: aaaaaaaaaaaaah~ draggy moment

14. Sex: overrated

15. Religion: relationship with Higher being

16. Friendster: yesterday

17. Fear: factor whahaha nvm...

18. Marriage: cloudy future for me whahhaa

19. Blondes: blue eyes

20. slippers: neckermann whahaha

21. shoes: pedro

22. Asians: people from some countries.. me including lol

23 . Pass time: facebooking

24. One night stands: lame activities with no string attached

2 5: Cell Phone: nokia

27: Smoke: 2nd hand from Lynn

28: FANTASY: by Yuuho ashibe~ whhaa

29: COLLEGE: usual life

30: Highschool Life: lame stuffs

31 . Pajamas: banana

32. stars: black sky

33. Fitness Center: fitness first

34. Alcohol: rashes on butt

37. Money: bo lui!~

38. Heartache: usual life activities

39. Time: bomb

40. Divorce: freakin stupid mistakes

41 . Dogs: lynn whaha

42. UndiES: low waist whahhaa

43. mom: ibuuuuuuuuuuu

44. Babies: wednesday's video tt i missied

45. Stripper: facebook application

46. Blogs: fun place to randomnise life

48. Weddings: err lovely event.. tiring actitivity

49. Pizza: cheapo food hehehe

50. Kleenex : errrr.. no. i use other brand whaha




fine.. some more stuffs whahha

1.Have you smoked cigs before?
* no. but yes, if you consider 2nd hand smoker

2. Have you kissed somebody in the last 3 weeks?
* on the cheek, gurls lah~ formality and love whaha

4. Miss someone:
* wasn't even planning on one. pls dont start

5. How's your ex doing?
* ow him? in NS most prob. whaha.

6. Is there someone you want to fight?
* err yeah. but whats the pt. everything's done

7. How are you doing?
* bored sick emo tired

8. What are you doing tomorrow?
* do homework homework homework and then get a life by goin to cell grp

9. Do you know what tofu is?
* my fave food, some people's fluffy friends (on facebook) whahhaa.

10. Have you ever eaten it?
* DUH!

11. Do you want to go back to middle
school?
* hm yeah. nice to know that you have an undisturbed classmates for 5 years whaha

12. Have you ever watched the Britney Spears movie?
* why bother?

15. Are you tired?
* kind of whaha

17. Where is your mother right now?
* singapore rite now

18. What color socks do you have on?
* rite now? black

19. What color is the shirt you are wearing? where did u get it?
* now? red whahaha. in sg... dad bought it for me

20. Are you a sexual predator?
* lol no. i dont generate sexual auras whaha

21. Do you think Barbie is a negative role model for young girls?
* i think fulla is.. whahaa

22. Anything bothering you?
* yeah whahaha

23. Does your family own any boats?
* no..........

24. Have you ever kissed your cat?
* i dont have cat whahaha

25. Where were you when 7/7/07 happened?
* err.. i was... doing work? whaha

26. How long does it take you to get ready to go out?
* err uite fast. whahaha 1/2 hour?

27. Have you ever been out of the S'pore?
* DUH! i am OUT of sg

28. The last text you received on your mobile was from?
* my bro

29. Last movie u watched?
* err hm....... some funny movie.... jerry and tom issit..

31. Do you wish at 11:11?
* nooo

32. Do you wear contacts or glasses?
* both

33. Next vacation you're going on?
* lalaland (aka dreamland)

34. What was your last hard decision?
* hmmm.. well... dont even mention em

35. Do you have any piercings?
* uh-huh

36. Last person you hugged?
* dian

37. The last place you went to?
* robson st

38. Who/What made you angry today?
* errrrrrrrrr not yet. nobody whaha oh okei. maybe irritated

39. Do you sing in the shower?
* yeah sure

40 . Has anyone ever sang or played
music for you personally?
* hmmmm... yeah. on my birthday and some other season whahaha

41. Do you love anyone?
* why would i not love anyone?

42. Have you ever bungee jumped?
* no.... maybe someday.. whaha

43. How many pets do you have?
* a few. fluff friend, neopets. whhaha tts lame

44. What's your one wish all the time?
* to be able to retain sanity within success....

45. Do you find yourself loved?
* hmm.. maybe. whaha i dunno...

46. Weirdest place you slept?
* errr.... under the comp lab desks.... under the table.. whaha

4 8. What's the closest orange object to you?
* the "publish post" link

50. Where was your default picture taken?
* err on facebook? tts a digital storyboard

51. What did u do today?
* went to sch, hang out, pool, went for dinner. home. bloggin like idioto

52. What did u get today?
* gain a few insights.. disappointment... and more emo stuffs (and there's happy stuffs too)
what a life

Hueh..~ Today is another weird day. whahaha
I woke up LATE again.. This is interesting.
The night before i had my alarm clock and hp on the ground,
this morning i had my handphone on my hand, and alarm clock off-ed.
DAMN! i was late for 1/2 hour. damn damn damn..~ sian
Thanks to the insomnia.... whaha LAST NITE WAS FUN.
I had fun emo-ing whahaha.

Bad day for pool. Total Ownage day! I am so freaked out.
Fengshui must be bad today <--- surprisingly sun was up the sky arnd 4pm+ Fengshui <- literally wind and water whahahaha... refers to the back alley of ECIAD. hahahaha learnt a new pool game from Miles. Thanks friend.

Lynn>> kath! you have 2 balls left
Miles>> I have 2 balls too~ *cheeky* (refering to erhem)
Lynn>> Miles!!!!! *killer aura*

Miles>> ... <-- cant remember what he said
Kath>> shuddup Miles!
Miles>> you shuddup! <-- lol~


Err, Video Art turned out pretty ok. Damn, i cant stop
thanking Gabriel lol~ He is such a genius editor.
Super amazed... Lets dissect his brain one day....
(if he died before me whahaha<-- just joking)

Was hanging out with Lynn at the cafetaria,
talking about stuffs, pretty heavy important stuffs...
and of cos.. about our lil 'projects' too whahaa
The session turned out to be a lil... gloomy whahahaha
doshiteee doshite neeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
whahahahaha...
usual stuffs, lalalal~

And then, Mellissa (the indo ECIAD gurl) called me for dinner
so yay! Met Dian for the first time, although we msg each
other in facebook like mad whahahaha (okie we are mad)
Met Vania the super senior too (year 4)
hahahahha

The feeling of speaking indonesian so openly in ECIAD.
moreover... 4 of us! oh man!!! its like the whole bounding
chain had been broken!!!!!! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
this feels good whahahaha no english, no chinese, no hokkien, just indo!
like, we can shout and laugh like nobody cares whhahaa...
there's no more parameters left..
okie tt sounds too extreme. whahaa but tts how i feel
lalala
watever. Hooooooooooooooraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!~
the unleashing of kath's craziness..

Anyway we consumed our dinner at a Korean restaurant @ Robson.
It was super hilarious, crazy gurls and crazy nite.
Everyone were so high... high from projects, lack of sleep etc. whaha
BUt it was nice and comfortable and definitely warm to hav em arnd you
(and meeting up once a week maybe hahahaha)

So here am i at home... gonna bathe and do work soooon~


Dian and I had same views on a friend of us. Hahaha.
Although i was quite surprised at how she think of friend's impression.
Hmm and maybe what Lynn said was true.
I have big problem, or so i think....
about how i kinda form impression of a person on my mind...
maybe its just the superficial things that im looking at
at the talent, beautiful creativity within the brain, etc.. wtf!
without even knowing the whats-deep-within,
straightaway forming beautiful impressions...
and then get disappointed bits by bits due to the exposure
and discoveries....

hoh am i just stupid,
plainly stupid
or fuckin dumb stupid

ah well...

let me just end the session so i can recover from emoness
and maybe just retain friend as muse for my work. whahhaa
sian~

Lame shit i dug out from the ol' myspace blog. whaha
gonna re-do it right now.
insomnia.. i wonder why i got it tonight...
this is so bad.
must be from the splatter of emoness whahaha
freak!


1) Are you in a complicated relationship?
nope. never. nil. whahhaa.

2) Do you hate more than 3 people?
hmmmm... not really.. i dont think i do right now

4) How many houses have you lived in?
hmm.. many2, but considering residential permanent house.. 1 in indo

5) Favorite candy bar?
kinder bueno.. and whats tt dark choco name... club! okie..

6) Have you ever tripped someone?
yes. but usualy its the other way round. my toes have no eyes lah!

7) Least favorite school subject?
subjects like english.... write write and write and write

8) How many pairs of shoes do you own?
hmmm.. 5 maybe, no boots though. i can imagine dyin in winter

9) Do you own a Britney Spears Cd's?
eeeew. forbidden goods~

10) Have you ever thrown up in public?
err no.

11) Name one thing that is always on your mind:
sleep. i want to sleep.

12) Favorite genre of music?
rock

13) Whats your zodiac sign?
Aqua

14) What time were you born?
afternoon if im nt wrong

15) Do you like beer?
hm.. okay. they give me rashes if i take too many

16) Have you made a prank phone call?
yeah. once. but not fun. whahahaa.

17) What is the most embarassing CD you own?
westlife hahaha

18) Are you sarcastic?
sometimes... somehow.. somewhat... somewhere

19) What are your favorite color(s)?
blood red, black

20) How many watches do you own?
currently 1...

21) Summer or winter?
anythin but summer. well. not winter either.. fall? wahhaa

22) Is anyone in love with you?
my momma

23) Favorite color to wear?
hm... black, red... blue, green.. i dunno man!~ wth

24) Pepsi or Sprite?
Coke Light!!!! (thanks to Jerome for introducing that drinkw huahuahua)
i miss coke light rite now, like, dangerously craving for one~
canada's diet coke doesnt taste like coke light! noooooooooooooo

26) Where is your second home?
now.. singapore.. whahaha...

27) Have you ever slapped someone?
yeah. play slap. not real slap *reminds me of the retarded game whahaha*
madame camelia whahaha

29) How many lamps are in your bedroom?
hmm.. lamps...1.. or 2... very dim light. damn

30) How many video games do you own?
lol. dun reallyplay games

32) Ever had braces?
yeah. recently changed to retainer whaha

33) Do looks matter?
not so so. depends. on watever and watever

34) Do you use chapstick?
hm... lol-ed duh

35) Name 3 teachers from high school:
Mr Ong (the telletuby), Mr Lee (the bullied ones), Mdm Lai (my twin sister)

36) American Eagle or Abercrombie?
*cheapo sale items with nice shape, good qualities (am i askin for too much)

37) Are you too forgiving?
yes sometimes, i hope i am still as forgiving as before.

38) How many children do you want?
depends (on my mood and partner lol, if any)

39) Do you own something from Hot Topic?
nani?

40) Favorite breakfast meal?
errr....... well.... i dunno. anythin iwth cheese

41) Do you own a gun?
*shake head* gun...'s and roses songs in my hard drive whaha

42) Ever thought you were in love?
yes.

43) When was the last time you cried?
a few weeks ago

44) What did you do last night?
err i cant remember... doing work.. tryin to compose stupid lalala story for ENGL

45) Olive Garden?
*sheake head*

46) Have you ever called your teacher mommy?
when i was in kinder yeah

47) Have you ever been in a castle?
japanese kyoto castle hehehehehehe. lovely

48) Nicknames?
kath, kucing(cat), mao mao, lilin, oi! , cewe!, sayang, honey, cinta, selingkuhan.. etc

50) Ever been to Kentucky?
KFC? whuahauhahuaa. nah.. nah,.,, (i;v been to KFC, dont get me wrong)

52) Are you thinking about somebody right now?
shuddup! thou shall not be anywhere near my hypotalamus

53) Ever called somebody Boo?
wtf i dont do those boo-ing culture whahaha

54) do you smoke?
*shake head*.. 2nd hand.. counted as well?

55) Do you own a diamond ring?
hehe. i wish, you wish, we wish.

56) Are you happy with your life right now?
not really. more to life. thank you.

57) Do you like your hair?
needs to be dramatised... but no budget for now on.

58) Does anyone have a crush on you?
hmm.. no. if anyone would, i wont be so jomblo-ish for like.. almost 21 years (minus 4 months)

60) What were you doing in May of 1994?
studing in pri 1

61) Do you own a Backstreet Boys CD?
yesss, loveeeeeee em.... hehehe (used to strongly.. whahaha)

62) Mcdonalds or Wendys?
sushiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

63) Do you like yourself?
depends on the days, winds, water... (and captain planet? hahaa)

64) Are you closer to your mother or father?
momma

65) Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex?
hmm eyes.. okie, usually i go for unique features, doesnt have to be physical feature.. but usually.... random unique feature.. im crazy

66) Are you afraid of the dark?
no, unless we're talkin abt dumping me in cemetery at night and have to walk out to the main road... long far and cold... with no light at all (it happened whaha)

67) Have you ever eaten paste?
yeah whahaha

68) Do you own a webcam?
imac has an in-built so yeah, my acer too~

69) Have you ever stripped?
no. whahahayes. bathing.

70) Ever broke a bone?
erm. no. whahaha. hopefully, clean record for lifetime

71) Are you religious?
no. personal relationship with God

72) Do you chat on AIM often?
MSN

73) Pringles or Lays?
Ruffles

74) Have you ever broken someone's heart?
hmm.. maybe... my parents (by being so stuck up and rebellious)

75) Full house or brady bunch?
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

77) Did you like your high school guidance counselor?
dont have one.. hehe

78) Has anyone ever called you a tease?
hmm.. dun think so

79) Do you have any pets?
yeah. fluff pets in facebook, neopets.. lol

80) do you own a car?
wish

81) Can you cook?
surviving whaha. random cook

83) Do you text message often?
yeah, when ppl find me or i need to find ppl or im just bored whahaha

84) Money or love?
love. money is a complimentary factor

85) Do you have any scars?
a lot

86) What was the last thing you ate?
errr...... bbq chix & rice

87) Do you enjoy scary movies?
yes... only 'scary movies' not scary movies whuahua

88) Relationships or one night stands?
relationship. whats with overrated one-night stand lol

89) Big red or Juicy fruit?
juicy fruit

90) Do you enjoy greasy food?
depends

91) Have you seen all the Rocky movies?
*shake head*

92) Do you own a box of crayons?
in indo.

93) Ever had sex in a public place?
nv had one at all. lol hahaha

94) Who was the last person you said i love you to?
Lynn. on msn. whaha right after that super emo line whaha

95) Who was the last person that made you mad?
someone

96) Who was the last person that made you cry?
nobody. whaha

97) Who was the last person that made you laugh?
err.. lemme think... lynn & nihal?

98) Who was the last person that texted you?
lynn

99) Who was the last person that called you?
errrrrr... well.... tiara

100) Who's your cell phone provider?
fidooo

Hmmm... I was thinking about thinking..
Like... people that I know, flirting and flirting and conquest and conquest,
AND then cry and cry...
Like, duh whats the pt of doing that?

And like, emoism because of foolish, bimbotic, heartless, boring, brainless
friends.... come on, gurl~ just get it over and done with.
The world is not as small as what you think it is.~
haiyaaaaaaaaah!~

Life is too short to make wrong choices. The more you drop yourself in dillema,
the more you'll suffer and cry and emo-ed and everything~
which is bad... cos you dont feel happy.
and when you dont feel happy, the prospect of you living longer... is decreasing.
so why bother?
live longer and enjoy life, do lotsa interesting things and live without regret~

(spoken like a pro, the truth is, im emo-ing as well. fuckin stupid!)
(suffering from different stuffs, i mean.. not the same thing as mentioned above...)

So i had fun today. In sch...
Okay, well.... started pretty bad in the morning.
I DONT UNDERSTAND why i woke up late.
After my clean record of 'never-wake-up-late',
i woke up at 8 30, for the 9 am class.

Hahaha. left the house at 9 and reached sch at 10.
Missed the first movie, and 1/2 of the 2nd movie.
1st movie seemed to be having bad reviews from ppl.
Lynn couldnt take it,
im sorry i cant be there for you when you need me the most, gurl.

The 2nd one sounds interesting, although i didnt get the story,
due to the lateness. whahaa. but i like the crazy transition...
i dont think they were done in AE or compositing.

Was quite emo just now.. err.. i dunno...
Maybe not a very good morning whahaa.

DIVA class was quite fun.. we had fun making a new blog.
but like, a new blog?! doshiteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
i have blogs everywhere... blogspot, myspace, deviantart, livejournal....
and now.. wordpress. whahahaha.

K, blogspot is this blog (DUH!)
myspace is.... more of a random thing.. whaha
deviantart is.. for poem expressions and emo moments.. hehe
livejournal... is for me to read at people's blogs (tt requires membeship) <- lame
There's a hidden one (confession), but its all in indo.
so nobody understand anyway..
(well except ji and some huehuehue)
Eh kalo tau, jangan bocor2in yoo whuahua
Diem2 ojo oke?

And well...
Discoveries make life seemed to be so understandable..
But 'this one' is NOT helping at all...
Seed of lalala slowly gettin its way to my hypotelamus
like, doshite doshite doshite!!!!!!!!!!!
Hahahahahaa.......

bad.. very bad.,.... bad....

Hahahahahhaa
today's a lame day.
Its good. lame means good.

I had my lame sessions started in MHIS cls.
Harry Killas (kill ass) did a 1st half session talkin abt somethin lol-ed
and we didnt want to make lootsa noises, so we decided to turn back
to the olden prehistoric outdataed way of communicating: letter
whahha.. it was really funny, considering wth we wrote inside.
very2 lame, hilarious etc etc etc.

anyway, yeah
Had lunch with Tina (Lynn's friend from DIVA cls) and then
Sisil joined in as well. whahhaa Had fun with Sisil in her crib
aka studio space. Heck, i love the space. ehehehee.
reminds me of olden days in TP.
and then, we decide not to go home so we kind of hung arnd.
Ate lunch with Nihal, and went back to sch to chill at cafetaria.
Hahaha...
played pool, laming arnd, talking bullshit and etc.

Nihal said somethin interesting.. and funny.
i think rainer and other IMDBoys would agree to this

"japanese gurls has very weird way of having sex (in the video)
They would lie down like dead starfish, never move, but moans
and make noise like slaughtered pig"

hahaha

visuals there yet on your mind?
whahaha

Hmmmm
Things has been so weeeeeeeeeeeeeeird these few days.
Kept on having emo sessions, random emo sessions, or should i say
unwanted random stupid unreasonable emo sessions. lol

cold+frozen+emo=catastrophy

anyway...
so along the way from sch towards the bus stop
(which equals to a 1/2 km walk through the park and seawall)
i took photos of my black ring. whaha
its quite fun, on how i tried balancin em on those plants whahha

and yeah, was in bus 8 when i saw this latino, being so nice to this super frail
chinese aunty (with her same-frail-but-alil-bit-better husband)
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
almost wanted to cry.. (touched mah!) but of course no one cry
in public place, bus somemore, after witnessing touching incident.
hahahhaa

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
thinking about thinking when thinking should have been prohibited...
having flowerful bloomin feeling is one thing
good thing
but apart from that,
the whole bunch of cloudy scary darky feeling...
its like 5x of the good ones.. whahah

nvm~
kallalalala

doshite doshite DOshite DOSHITE!!!!!!!

i am so..so so so doshite-ing
kenapa harus suka ma manusia ituuuu?
aduh deeeeeeeeeeee
gw udah pasti bukan tipe tipe tipe tipe
ngapain masih mikirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ngapain begooooooooooooooogogogogo

udaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
lepasin aja
lagian dia pun ga tertarik ma elo
lebih tertarik ma temen elo
udaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
jangan begoooooooooooooooooooooooooo


arghhh

kath kath kath, elo koq bego bener seh?
udah lah
udaaaaaaaaaaaah

I'm quite randomly emo-ed.
Let's do some quiz to make myself feel better



Rule #1:
If you open this you take it.

Rule # 2:
You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks

Rule #3:
Only answer True or False

Q: Kissed someone on your friends list? errr false
Q: Kissed someone you didn't like? false.. why shld i. whaha
Q: Do you like someone? True, kind of. well not wantin to conform (and my answers get longer and longer. damn)
Q: Held a snake? errr eel. false
Q: Been suspended from school? False
Q: Been fired from a job? yeah true. Es Teler 77. not really fired, just didnt get it after the trial whaha
Q: Sang karaoke? True, i suck at it
Q: Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? True, sadly enough.
Q: Laughed until you started crying? True
Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue? we'll know soon, okay. this winter~
Q: Kissed in the rain? kiss the rain, true. kiss someone in the rain, noooooooo. false
Q: Sang in the shower? True
Q: Sat on a roof top? errrr we did? i think so... true
Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? hehe yeah. true
Q: Broken a bone? false. not yet.
Q: Shaved your head? False
Q: Played a prank on someone? too lazy to do so. false
Q: Shot a gun? False
Q: Donated Blood? true. would love to do it again and again.
Q: Had your heart broken? oh yeah. so true.

LAST PERSON.
1. You hung out with? the funny "lumut ijoe" guys in church before i headed to metrotown
2. You texted? daddy in indo
3. You were in a car with? Dodo & Fera & Ong on friday's cell grp
4. Went to the movies with? tts the thing.. not yet down here... err, the last time was with... er...... err.... my cell grp ppl in singapore?
5. Person you went to the shops with? myself. whahaha. oh okie. lynn
6. You talked on the phone? icent
7. Made you laugh? hmmmm.......... gab & corey
8. You hugged? lynn
9. You cried with? eh why would i wan to cry with people? lol. in church.. of course with the whole church~ (but they're nt, just me. whhaa)

WOULD YOU RATHER
1. Pierce your nose or tongue? eyebrow
2. Die in a fire or get shot? both whaha

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...
1. Sun or moon? Moon
2. Winter or Fall? Fall
3. Left or Right? right
4. Sunny or rainy? rainy
5. Where do you live? fraser
6. club or pub? sofa
7. Is there 1 or 2 ppl who u can always trust and rely on? kind of.
8. Do you want to get married? someday. if. maybe. oh well.
9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl
10.what time is it? 5 14 pm
11.are u afraid of commitment? 50-50. do not start what you may not be able to handle
12. are you gonna have an 18th party? soo long time ago. about 36x2 days ago
13. Do you cook? not really but i can anyhow cook
14. Current mood? emo-ed. whaha

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU...
1. Kissed someone? no
2. Sang? Yes, to linkin park when i drop off from bus
3. listened to music? now, no.
4. seen someone you care alot about? right now.. no
5. Danced Crazy? nah
6. Cried? Nah


sian sian sian
fuckin siaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh